You may or may not remember the Newsboost Twitter account that I started back in 2014. It was a way of force-feeding mega news into the public subconscious via a steady stream. I ran it for roughly a year before abandoning it as one of those Beans side projects that didn’t quite work out as well as we’d hoped.

I still have the same notebook that I jotted ideas in. Most of them were used but there were some that didn’t make the cut, possibly because they were too “radical” for the time or, which is much more likely, because they were utter nonsense that popped into my head for a moment and there was nothing I could do with it.

Anyway, here’s a short list of what could’ve been:

• A good chair shouldn’t be sat upon
• Portable sarcasm
• Pointy beard serving posts (?)
• Credit card gifts to children for irresponsible parents
• Broom jacket
• Aliens have given up on earth
• Drive by serenades
• Recycling man caught littering
• Skeleton career guidance
• Polar bears stealing chips
• Tub Barsley promises a marrow for every household
• Backwards cutlery for dieters
• THE NOSE IS THE FACE ON THE BODY OF THE FACE
• Chicken on drums
• Slowest tortoise keyboardist fired
• Big ass television comeback
• Growling slippers
• New number set to debut this Autumn
• Chronic pigs

I’ve listed this as ‘part one’ because after turning over the page there’s so much more and one month where I’m not particularly feeling it, I can whip this out again for a quick win.

Proof that not every idea is a good idea (but every invention is a good invention).