User avatar Ian’s horoscope

It took him long enough, and I had to ask virtually every day, but Ian has now finally told me his star sign. So now, just in time for the new year, I can give him his horoscope for 2020.

Sagi-taurus Outlook for 2020

Your love of cake motivates you to accomplish up to […]

User avatar A lesson learned

You know what you need to be careful with? Ian. You need to be careful with Ian.

You need to be careful because he’ll take something silly you say and he’ll see it through right the way to the end. Like – just for example – if you make a joke about wanting a […]

User avatar New Job – Food Botherer

The list of my previous professions is as long as any of Kev’s shopping lists from ‘B & Q’ when he was back in the glory days of daily updates to his house. It got so bad that rather than daily deliveries they just built a B & Q Warehouse next to his ever-expanding […]

User avatar James Earl Jones is Amazing

Do you know who’s amazing? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not you or I. Nor I. No, neither of us is amazing. You can show me all your achievements, medals, awards and dissertations but you will never be as amazing as James Earl Jones.

This will be difficult for some of us to […]

User avatar Pointless Purchase of the Month

You know what? It’s been far too long since I’ve annoyed everyone with my huge stack of tat and as it is overdue, and I still have a quota to make up, let’s take a look at what I have been throwing my money away on. Take a gander at this juicy goosey:

In […]

User avatar A Punishment of Sorts

I watched the sky with a tear in my eye, the kitty hawk in full flight. A gorgeous view, my legs askew, she soared across the night. I followed her close, my words verbose, a beacon of fur and claws. She deftly swooped and almost scooped the mouse king in her jaws. He pushed away, […]

User avatar An Apology of Sorts

Dear Everyone,

(And when I say “everyone” I mainly mean Chris.)

I have let you all down. Look at me and feel disappointed right down to your very core. For the last eleven months I have managed to crack out a steady rate of four posts per month in line with the rules decided […]

User avatar Middlesex – The Myth

I spend a lot of time pondering things. Not the important questions such as ‘where are we going?’ and ‘why haven’t you got a proper job yet, you ape?’ more of a sort of middle ground, the kinds of dregs that search engines have where they sigh when someone asks ‘how many cakes are […]