Category: Kev hasn’t posted anything in ages

Avatar Not Kev

A little while ago, in the comments thread of another post, Ian and I were musing about how we could get more material from Kev on the Beans, and Ian suggested we use AI to churn out some generic Kev-like material for a new “Not Kev” account.

Unfortunately there just isn’t enough genuine Kev blog material to feed in to an AI to teach it what it should be writing, so I suggested padding it out with a load of Jilly Cooper novels.

Anyway, long story short, I got ChatGPT to write us some “Not Kev” blog posts and, while they have turned out with a fairly heavy Jilly Cooper influence, they’re still basically decent enough to be posted under Kev’s name without anyone noticing the difference.

I’ve actually got three of these ready to go, but I think this is the best one.

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Avatar ABOFB 30: Work Music

We’re back, we’ve reached the big 3-0, and just in time for Kev to keep his first 2022 bean!

This time out Ian asks us to sum up our jobs as a style of music which, as ever, leads to a meandering conversation covering, amongst many things…

  • Kraftwerk
  • Jazz
  • Latin
  • Shaggy
A Breath of Fresh Beans
A Breath of Fresh Beans
ABOFB 30: Work Music
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Avatar Episode 13: Ivy

Episodes is back with another cracking example. Yes, I know its been fucking ages, but what are you going to do about it?

This time out we ponder the evergreen topic of Ivy, specifically:

  • Sensual statues
  • A good view
  • Riding a pig
  • Deep personal psychoanalysis from Dr. Marshall

A Breath of Fresh Beans
A Breath of Fresh Beans
Episode 13: Ivy
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Avatar 2020 State of the Beans Address

Good day to you all. Thank you. You’re very kind.

My name is Sergeant-Major Professor Lord Sir Elbert Louche, KBE. It is a great privilege to join you here at Fairburn Ings visitor centre for the sixth annual State of the Beans Address. Please could I request that you do not feed the ducks until the formalities have concluded, and also please don’t feed any of the crispy Peking duck to the ducks. The RSPB are trying to avoid another Mad Cow Disease type incident with their mallards.

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Avatar A Punishment of Sorts

I watched the sky with a tear in my eye, the kitty hawk in full flight. A gorgeous view, my legs askew, she soared across the night. I followed her close, my words verbose, a beacon of fur and claws. She deftly swooped and almost scooped the mouse king in her jaws. He pushed away, in fits of dismay, desperate to escape. There was no luck, as all it took was a tiny tear in his cape. The king he fell and I heard the bell, it was all over now. Applause, commotion, fierce devotion; a curtsy and a bow.

Avatar The Award for Effort – August

You know, we don’t give ourselves enough credit. Here we are, each month, slaving away over a hot laptop in the hope of raising a chuckle here and there. We are creating nostalgia. This is a body of work that most people can only dream of. What a load of THINGS we carry on doing. How many humans do you know that can boast about a website, a series of podcasts, half a dozen award-winning albums, a web comic, two children’s book series and more booklets of nonsense than a weekend with Vic Reeves’ eyebrows?

Take a break from all that work. Let’s commend someone who needs commending. Let us chuck out a couple of accolades every now and then to really salute the best of the best. There are award ceremonies for practically everything these days so pull up a chair and we can take a look. This month it is quite clear who the award should go to and that person is…

KEVIN!

Congratulations Kevin, you win the ‘There was an Attempt’ award for effort. Having been nosin’ around the website in the back, I could see that a post was started and there was some interesting content. I only wish that you had the time in order to complete it as it would have made a fascinating read. As it happens, I am sure that eventually it will join the ranks of other fully-fledged posts and take it’s place amongst the greatest. Let’s gaze upon this marvel:

“How they find us: 2019

gghgdfghdfghdfghdfgh ddfgd ;lfkdgjh ;dflgkjh ;fdglkhj ldfkjgh df;lkj; lskfgj;hdflgkhjfd; ghlkjd f;glhkj d;lkfgj h;lkdjs;ldfkjg l;kj s;lkdfj goaijkfgdfn; gjklh;slkj ;slfkdgj ;sldfkjg ;slkdfjg ;slkfdjg ;slkjfd g

hdfgh

dfgh

dfg

hdfg

hdfg

hdfghdfgh”

Verbatim. Wonderful. It’s a thing of beauty. It needs its own stunning vista and inspirational poster. Although it may sound like the noises you hear in the toilet cubicle next you in the gents, it’s sheer poetry.

Well done Kev and keep up the good work, all of you! Next month you could be in line for something special.

Avatar Episode 11: Celebration Days

In the last of the currently recorded podcasts, this week’s audio treat brings you the exciting topics of:

  • Peter and the Wolf
  • Nick Knowles
  • Elbows

A Breath of Fresh Beans
A Breath of Fresh Beans
Episode 11: Celebration Days
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