User avatar Luck be a Musician Tonight

I am one of those people who secretly doesn’t know how lucky they are.

That’s a lie, actually.

I am one of those people who occasionally is convinced that luck completely passes them by but, in actuality, it washes up like waves on a beach more often than not. For every instance of not […]

User avatar Stick

It must be really boring to be a stick.

You spend decades pushing your way slowly out of the side of a tree, looking at the same view every day, sharing your life with the same branches and twigs.

Years later, a bit of wind dislodges you. For a few moments you enjoy the […]

User avatar Lemon drizzle

If you ask the questionAbout what is the best one,The bakery transcendent,The cakery resplendent:I answer it with ease, takeAway your silly cheesecake.Gingerbread and EcclesWill meet only with my heckles;Pineapple upside-downMeet the deepest darkest frown.You will find I have no timeFor fondant fancy or key lime;Though partial to a parkin,There is only one worth markin’.I […]

User avatar Tributes and Insults – Christopher Marshall

Look at this big ol’ berk here:

Look at his massive face. Why does anyone need a face that big? What has he done to his face to make it that big? All of these questions need answering and the sad fact that it is unlikely that we will ever get the […]

User avatar Tributes and Insults – Kevin Hill

Here’s a little something to wet your appetite for more of the same. Look at this:

Frightening, isn’t it? Most people would agree that this particular image of Kevin is both striking and unappealing. It would be fair to say that using such a picture constitutes a mean act. I would therefore like […]

User avatar Pre-Birth Certificate

BEHOLD!

As promised, please see the premier pre-birth certificate for Mr Menendez and his lovely wife’s new child, expected soon.

User avatar Scathing Reviews – Personal Dater

I am being hounded at the moment.

Having recently discovered that one of the best ever sitcoms, ‘Community’, is currently being streamed for free via All4’s beautiful service (I know you’re not keen because of the shambles with ‘Whose Line is it Anyway?’, Chris) I have been stuffing my face into it as much as […]

User avatar Vera-dactyl

What do you do when something should exist but doesn’t? You make it a real thing.

That’s all I have to say on this.