Hi, there, nice to see you. Thanks for popping by. This post is the latest in a series of ‘Kev asks an AI to do things’ posts, I asked Bing Chat (a microsoft tarted up version of ChatGPT with a terrible name) to “write a short bedtime story about a frog who becomes evil and takes over the world”. It did, and here is is in all its weird glory…
For years now the scholars behind the scenes at beans HQ have been trying to work out how to spell two of the English languages’ favourite spoken words but without success. We are talking of course about casj/cazsh/caj and the ever lovely (to quote Ian) “jush… juxch… jgusssh”.
Well the time has come to make an announcement, this has been researched, checked and casually googled at least twice, and we can now confidently write down those two words correctly for the first time in history…..
It’s a well-known fact When your shoes start to quack You need to buy a new pair. Are there ducks in your shoes? No, it’s time to peruse Before people point and stare. You can ignore the noise Go back to your toys Pretend it’s someone else’s feet. Stick your head in the sand, But heed my command, those Ducks are bound to speak.
It’s a little-known fact (Speculation to be exact) That ducks have a hatred of shoes. They can’t find a set Whether dry or quite wet To fit without making a bruise. Their feet are so queer No matter how they steer They won’t fit any slipper or high heel. So, they’ve all had enough Thrown away all the stuff And pretend it’s not a big deal.
Reviews are very useful when deciding if the thing that you think that you want is actually the thing that you want. Human beings are idiots, we want everything. See that patch of grass? You want that. I want it too. Let’s have a fight about it to decide who gets to have it. Whilst we’re fighting, someone comes along and takes it. They measure up the merits of the patch and review it on grasspatches.com. I read the review over your shoulder, holding a bag of frozen peas on my black eye and decide perhaps that wasn’t the right grass patch for me.
Everything gets reviewed these days from people and services to goods and refreshments. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a one star review of me somewhere with the words “could have done better but I did like his soft hair” painted around a picture of myself looking confused.
Some days I’m very interested in reading reviews and researching before deciding to purchase and other days I’m straight in there, balls deep, putting my card details straight away like a mega boss. I’m buying games and films, I’m not purchasing helicopters and hovercrafts like Kev. Those you have to take your time with because you don’t want to end up with a hovercraft that doesn’t hover or a helicopter that smells of wee.
This review made me laugh so much I had to take a screenshot and keep it for posterity. It’s for a Nintendo Wii U game called ‘Game and Wario’, a collection of strange and funny minigames that nobody really bought (because it was on a bobbins console) so now it’s commands a tall price. I’m not sure what the person thought they were doing but it was approved by the website and not only have three people confirmed it as ‘helpful’ but it’s also top of the list of ‘most relevant’ in the ten reviews the game has.
Further proof that the human race has completely lost the plot.
Let’s say you own a company. Let’s say you’re involved in JCBs and tipper trucks, shifting muck around. Let’s say you get yourself a nice white van for moving kit about and you get your company’s name written on the back, and maybe a nice photo of some JCBs and tipper trucks in action so everyone can tell what line of work you’re in.
For now we will overlook the fact that you name your company something daft like ”Kellands” when, if sense prevailed, you would clearly have called it something like ”John’s Diggers”.
You have space on the van for a slogan. Something positive and dynamic that tells everyone what your company is about and how great you are.
Oxford Circus late at night Crowds of wankers, lights shine bright Down below the crowds that mill Sits a sneaker calm and still
Who would drop you in this place? Who has joined the unshod race? Who would think their grand night out Is better with one bare foot out? I see you, shoe, and I see beyond I see how great you’d be if donned I see potential through the grime I see the reason and the rhyme
Oxford Circus late at night One lone trainer shining bright The key to one foot’s endless roam I envy the toes that take you home.