Not so many years ago, Kevin Hill, Science Master, introduced the world to the Majestic Bird Goose – the biggest development in the world of ornithology since the self-boiling egg.
It is now time to introduce the next major leap forward in the world of birds. I am proud to present to you the Leggy Duck.
The Leggy, or “Upstairs”, Duck has all the key advantages of a duck (flotation, quacking, beak etc.) but now mounted atop a much taller length of leg. Just imagine what that means!
Greater distance between duck chassis and ground
Higher vantage point, resulting in better sense of perspective when surveying territory
Leg bendiness allows duck to adjust height when lower altitudes are needed, e.g. when strafing through hostile gunfire
Waddling speed of 12mph
The all-new Leggy Duck was also developed to incorporate some of the most popular features of the Majestic Bird Goose, and is capable of some of the most contemptuous pooping-and-strutting-away of any bird on earth. Thanks to the Leggy Duck’s remarkable legginess (or “leggitude” for readers in the US and Canada), users will find its pooping is particularly impressive, with a long drop and broad spread, and its strut devastatingly fast.
The new Leggy Duck: a revolution with feathers™. Order yours now.
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And know that there are ducks out there wearing hats….
You will all be sad to know that my washing-machine repair days are finally behind me. Even though it was only a career that lasted a couple of years, I feel as though I have given all I can give. Anyone who is still on the waiting list, I will do my best to see to your fallen machines however you may choose to seek another professional’s due care and attention if the fault demands immediate attention.
A wise man once told me, “Life is for living,” and boy was he right. Sometimes you have to take a leap into the unknown in order to find the right thing for you. In a way I have always known what I wanted to do and it is only now that I have managed to sort myself out. What my life needed was kippers.
Kippers are the only food you can have for any meal. They’re small, oily and very popular around the world. What I mean by a ‘Kipper Experience’ is one whereby you live like a kipper. You are one with the kipper. There are so many things that you can learn by becoming a kipper that most people are completely unaware of. Yes, it does demand a lot of your time. You can sign up for one of the weekend retreats to begin with, just in case you are a little uncertain as to whether this is the right thing for you, but once you’ve gotten past this hurdle I would thoroughly recommend the week and month long excursions available.
Very soon I will be taking off to the Isle of Man. I have just returned from a week in the village of Craster in Northumberland, living the kipper dream. I met a large array of different kippers, all of whom welcomed me as one of their own. I can only hope that when you choose a ‘Kipper Experience’ it will be as wonderful as my own.