User avatarElection results 2017

It’s been an exciting campaign, most of which has happened away from The Beans since the election was first announced back in April which is why we haven’t heard anything about it here since it was first called. But the day is finally here, and the results are in. Let’s go now live to the civic centre in South Beans for the results as the candidates take to the podium.

“I, Professor Louche, being the Returning Officer for South Beans constituency, hereby announce the results for the election of the Member of Parliament for South Beans.

King, Saint Jim Wilkins: eight thousand, four hundred and twenty nine.

McJEEFY, EEFORD RONALD ALOYSIUS WILKINS, commonly known as EEFY McJEEFY: four thousand, nine hundred and three.

Cockall, Nonnington Nen Nay Wilkins, commonly known as Nonny Cockall: four.

Lady, Sexatronic Wilkinia: six thousand, two hundred and eighty three.

Kitty, Flat: twelve thousand and thirty two.

Flat Kitty is therefore elected as the member of parliament for Beans South. Thank you.”

Well, there we have it! An astonishing result for Flat Kitty, bringing her agenda for high-speed pancake delivery to the front of mainstream politics. There will be a lot to discuss in the days to come but for now we will all begin by pledging allegiance to our new MP and overlord. Or possibly overkitty.

8 comments to Election results 2017

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Overkitty sounds so much more playful. She wouldn’t like that, she likes the kind of name that tells the world she will stab you up if you step out of line.

  • Kevil

    It’s amazing shes managed to turn her career round after that disastrous eponymous children’s TV series she stared in all those years ago.

  • Hey, come on, that’s harsh. That series was huge in Herzegovina.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    We’ve all done things in our past that we should feel ashamed of.

    Kevin, I’m looking at you with your dog-grooming parlour.

    Chris, that weasel-stretching habit of yours got way out of hand.

    And let’s not forget the tax evasion scandal between me and Jerry Loinsford, and the Loinsford Academy.

  • Kevil

    And your vast array of books. You should be very ashamed of those, yet you remain strangely proud.

  • The books are so shameful that even I’m ashamed of them, and I had nothing to do with them.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    So what you’re saying is that you’d like another signed first edition?

  • I will greet it with open arms and a lit match.

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