It’s been an exciting campaign, most of which has happened away from The Beans since the election was first announced back in April which is why we haven’t heard anything about it here since it was first called. But the day is finally here, and the results are in. Let’s go now live to the civic centre in South Beans for the results as the candidates take to the podium.
“I, Professor Louche, being the Returning Officer for South Beans constituency, hereby announce the results for the election of the Member of Parliament for South Beans.
King, Saint Jim Wilkins: eight thousand, four hundred and twenty nine.
McJEEFY, EEFORD RONALD ALOYSIUS WILKINS, commonly known as EEFY McJEEFY: four thousand, nine hundred and three.
Cockall, Nonnington Nen Nay Wilkins, commonly known as Nonny Cockall: four.
Lady, Sexatronic Wilkinia: six thousand, two hundred and eighty three.
Kitty, Flat: twelve thousand and thirty two.
Flat Kitty is therefore elected as the member of parliament for Beans South. Thank you.”
Well, there we have it! An astonishing result for Flat Kitty, bringing her agenda for high-speed pancake delivery to the front of mainstream politics. There will be a lot to discuss in the days to come but for now we will all begin by pledging allegiance to our new MP and overlord. Or possibly overkitty.