It is with a heavy heart that I pass on the bad news that my car, Zero, has gone to the big car park in the sky.

She developed a fault that was too expensive to repair and so she was scrapped like so many before her.

The process was long and annoying, so I won’t bore you with the details.

Nine years we were together. After the disaster of that black piss dispenser someone sold me that only lasted six months, and temporarily borrowing the “yellow peril”, with zany automatic sliding doors that could cut you in half, Zero was the big boy car I had always wanted and needed.

So long, farewell, some European goodbyes and I’m done.