Generally speaking the nation’s major news outlets are a few steps behind the Beans, so you may not yet have heard that a surprising general election has been called. What does this mean for you? Nobody knows. But it’s OK, because I’m here to answer all the big questions you’ll be worrying about.
What is an election?
It is a compound of argon, nitrogen and traces of a number of other elements that is a gas at room temperature and has no known freezing point. In large quantities it has a yellowish colour and smells of wet dog.
Am I eligible to vote?
Yes. I have checked the electoral register. You’re fine.
Nominations are still open and the full list of candidates has not yet been compiled. However, if you – like me – live here in Beans Towers then the following people have already announced their candidacy in the constituency of South Beans:
- Saint King (promising low taxation, improved employment rights and free jewels for everyone)
- EEFY McJEEFY (in favour of the EU because it, like him, is spelled with capital letters)
- Mr Cockall (favours a small state, deregulation, and “the nothingness of the howling void at the core of man’s psyche”)
- Sexatronic (believes in protecting health and social care services; would make it free to have your name changed by deed poll)
If you have any further questions then feel free to post them here so that the Beans Massive can enlighten us all.