User avatarMysterious lumps

I went for a walk yesterday and explored a park near me that I haven’t been to before. There’s a lot of places near me that I haven’t been to before, because I only recently moved to Royksopp.

It turns out the park contains normal park things (grass, trees, vandalised benches, bins mostly full of water from when it rained). It also contains four mysterious lumps. If I described them to you they’d sound like hills so I am including pictures here to make it clear that they are not hills, they are mysterious lumps, and there are four of them.

A series of lumps

They are all different heights and they are perfectly circular, like weird pyramids. You can climb them all if you want to. Three are just grassy and you have to scramble up but one of them has a spiralling path to the top. It’s surprisingly tall – not that West London is particularly hilly, but it’s higher than all the other hills you can see and most of the buildings. You can see out to the countryside south of London, and to Canary Wharf, and to a little thing on the horizon called the Crystal Palace Transmitter which I have seen somewhere before.

The signs explain that, far from being lumps, they are actually mounds. I was very glad to have the mystery cleared up in this way.

Please use this thread to share stories of any intriguing lumps, mounds or protrudances you have witnessed lately.

14 comments to Mysterious lumps

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver


    Would it be too obvious to make a joke about wang, trouser stains or chest potatoes?

  • [below]

    It would be pretty obvious but unless you’ve genuinely seen some strangely shaped things lately, as I have, you’ll have to go there because there’s only so much you can do with a question like that. Nobody will judge you.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver


    Okay but I’ll let you comment one more time before lowering the tone. You should say something poetic or inspiring.

  • [nearby]
    I’m going to write the most inspiring thing I know.

    Bee bay
    Noo doh
    Bee boo
    Oo dar

  • [left]
    That’s beautiful that is Chris. Brought a tear to my eye it did.

    I have an intriguing lump on the back of my neck right now actually. It’s really a spot that hasn’t quite happened yet, but I still can’t stop playing with it.

  • [within]
    You see? That’s how you bring a story of a mysterious lump to the party. Get it straight out where everyone can prod it. None of this procrastination with [brackets].

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver


    Nobody said there was a format here, and Chang Chuckles McMuffin hadn’t said anything so it was up to me to break the silence.

  • [betwixt]
    I’m still waiting for your wang/stain/potato related joke.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Mysterious lumps? That’s what my doctor said.

    Wait, that’s not very funny at all. I think I got it very wrong there, guys.

  • If you’d said that straight away you’d probably have got away with it. The two week build-up is the problem. You need much better material if you’re going to spend two weeks working up to it.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    So rather than being Pete too soon, I’m Rob too slow not on the go?

  • You’re Kate Too Late, that’s what you are. It’s so bad you’ve had a sex change.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    *shocked face*

    I’ve never done anything that bad before. I’m not sure how to feel. Should I get a pashmina? Girls have them, right?

  • Yeah. Get yourself a pashmina and some hair straighteners. You have to spend ages using your hair straighteners every day for some reason.

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