User avatarThe Anatomy of the Pig

How many legs does a pig have?

If you answered ‘four’ you are wrong.

How many arms does a pig have?

If you answered ‘none’ you are wrong.

After a recent night of board game fun with my fake adopted family, Reuben took some time out between rounds to draw another of his award-winning designs. The fact that he can crank these out for fun whenever he wants emits equal levels of pride and jealously from my insides. He originally drew the pig with no legs. After a discussion with the rest of the table, it was decided that pigs do not have four legs in total. They have two upper legs and two bottom arms. That is how it is now and will forever continue to be, and anyone who says otherwise does not have the same high level of anatomical knowledge that we do.

9 comments to The Anatomy of the Pig

  • I wholeheartedly endorse this pig leg clarification. I’ve been avoiding talking about pig limbs for a long time because I was never sure what to say.

    When you say your “adopted family”, do you mean your “family”, given that you’re related to them?

  • I am related to them, well some of them. One of them. I have a son.

  • Son = family. Them’s the rules. I’m sorry about that, but they’re the rules.

    Family are the people you should be sharing good times and roasted pork arms with.

  • I did share both pork and good times. If Reuben adopted me then does that mean he’s my dad now?

  • Yes. You are mutual interdads now.

    Could you get your dadson/sondad to explain how the numbers to the side of the pig should be interpreted?

  • They’re a mystery, or at least as much a mystery as the mysterious hand (my hand) with the mysterious drawing that you didn’t know what it was. Do you remember that? Remembering is fun.

    In Latin we would be called ‘Mutatis Interdadis’.

  • There are 14 digits there, which could be interpreted as latitude 85.19025, longitude 03.20375. The fact they are preceded by “I” suggests that the coordinates are a clue to Reuben’s whereabouts.

    If so, you should probably send him some help, because he is in the middle of the Arctic Ocean. I hope he’s got a boat.

  • He has a boat, a sheep, a cow and some prongs.

    Quite what he is attempting I cannot say, for both legal and moral reasons. I’m getting a ‘Christopher Timothy’ vibe from the whole thing.

  • Is he pronging livestock at sea? If so, that’s very clever. The pronging of livestock is very much frowned upon, but in international waters, nobody can stop him.

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