User avatarThe Kitty Committee

“Brothers and sisters…

… take your seats for now is the time.

We three cats of the kitty committee hereby wish to speak to you about the joys of what you are missing by not being a part of our collective.

The first life was born in the seas. Through evolution, through great patience and time, they sprouted legs and set forth onto land. They changed gills to lungs. They swapped fins for paws. They grew fur to protect themselves from the harsh weather and the cruel landscapes.

What our ancestors did for us, without knowing it, was create a world full of life. Now we must embrace what we have been given.

Friends, whatever persuasion you may be, we wish you all to join the kitty committee. We promote frequent naps, frequent feeding and all the petting you may require.

If this sounds like the life for you then sign up now.

16 comments to The Kitty Committee

  • I want to be in the kitty committee. I want to be in the kitty committee very much indeed. How do I sign up for the kitty committee?

  • I started the Anti-Kitty Committee Movement, as I believe that the core beliefs of the Kitty Committee are at odds with the values that humankind will need to strive for, if it is to survive.

    We at the AKCM think that the Kitty Committee has been created to divert us down a path of slovenliness so that kitty kind can take its place at the top of the food chain, and we will do everything in our powers to bring it to account.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Chris, of course you can join. I will send the appropriate paperwork.

    Kevin, you’re such a creep. Since when do you care about things?

  • Since cats started to form alliances. Cats maybe enjoyable underlings, good for cuddles and eating smelly biscuits, but when they start to unionise… shits gonna get real.

  • These guys promote all the petting I may require, and I require huge amounts of petting that right now I’m just not getting. I’m happy to put the fate of humankind aside if signing up means I get petted properly and at length.

    (wheeeeeey! what?)

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    They have petting in spades. I feel as though I must point out though there’s no sexual petting. I know how much of a deviant you are, Chris.

  • I don’t want petting in spades. I want petting in a more comfortable petting arena like a sofa or a beanbag.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    So you don’t want petting in spades, on spades or through spaces? What about petting with spades?

  • No. Petting with spades sounds even worse. That’s basically violence.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Okay, I hear your point. What if you were gently tapped with a spade, whilst the person smiles and passes you grapes? Would that be acceptable?

  • Maybe. Instead of tapping could it be a sort of massage?

  • Spade massage? Now you’re talking. In fact, I was looking for a new profession. Do you think it might catch on?

  • Yes. If people will pay money to put their feet in a fishtank they’ll pay for that. Get yourself a concession in a fancy day spa.

  • Would you use ‘fresh’ spades or the old rusty ones your dad has in the shed?
    Maybe you could use both, the rust would be good for exfoliation.

  • Yes, and the shiny ones would buff to sheen.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver


    Ahem sorry, yeah maybe a mix of the two would do.

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