User avatarWhat is a Mandolin?

A wise person once asked, “Where is my mind?” I often find myself coming back to this question as a reference point during the day because I know where my mind is physically, however there are times when certain acts of stupidity make me question whether it is really there at all.

You must remember to question everything. Nothing is for certain anymore. If you’d have told me fifteen years ago that I would have a tiny device in my pocket that could download cute videos of cats walking around like human beings at any time during the day I would have laughed right in your face. YOUR. FACE.

Do you know what a mandolin is? If you think it’s a stringed instrument in the lute family then you’d be so wrong I would have to stand on a precipice and tell the world. This is actually what a mandolin is:

It is a small, thin chocolate bar from across the sea, from a world where other chocolate bars clearly don’t exist. Quite what music shops have been selling all these years is anyone’s guess. Perhaps they have all been misspelling it all these years and those instruments of 6, 8 and 12 strings are, in fact, mendolins or mandolines, or possibly something else. If the decision were up to me, I believe a mandoloin would be an excellent name.

Faced with the possibility that all those times I have been getting mandolins all wrong, I have therefore proposed two outcomes to this predicament:

  1. I will write, perform and record a song using the aforementioned chocolate mandolin;
  2. I will eat one of these other “mandolins” you find in music stores.

It is the only way to find balance and harmony between these two vastly different things with the same name. If I am only half successful then the whole thing will be a total loss. If I can achieve both then the sun will come out and there will be a tomorrow to look forward to.

Wish me luck.

11 comments to What is a Mandolin?

  • Good luck to you Sir!

    It’s when we at the beans are putting ourselves out there in the name of science and for the good of humanity that I think we do the best work. Admittedly that doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, pheeew weee we’re good.

    Godspeed.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Cheers mate. I have been looking for an inexpensive or broken mandolin on Ebay and even they are pretty costly. If it is for the good of humanity (?) then I will do it. It’s a long-term project.

  • Is it one of these?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    No no, that’s a Bangolin, a Jewish drum set.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    What you want is one of those; a mangorin.

  • Have you eaten a mandolin yet? Did the strings get stuck in your teeth? What was the chewing like, acoustically speaking?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I am still looking for one that I can afford. It would be a massive cop-out if I drew one on a piece of paper and ate that. That is not me. I am a hardcore mangorian eater me.

  • In the name of science, no, in the name of humanity, let us all pray that you get your hungry jaws around one soon.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    In the name of science indeed. It is a bit wrong but who am I to say what is right and what is wrong? Jeez, if only there was some kind of Twitter account about science that is wrong that could provide some insight here.

  • While we wait for you to find a musical mandolin to eat, can you let us hear the beautiful music you composed and performed on the chocolate mandolin?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    *laughs*

    Along with everything else I keep promising you, it’s on my to-do list. Video to follow.

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