Do you want to grow a large meeting of delicious, slightly tapered fruit? Do you want to witness a big hall full of stands offering fruit merchandise, and large seminar events with panels of fruit speakers? Do you want to see fruit lining up for famous orchard fruits to sign photographs and t-shirts and have their picture taken with people?
You do? Then I have the exact thing you need.
7 comments on “Grow your own”
What if they don’t like my conference? What if they start throwing themselves at me because they don’t like my talk of Pointless Purchases – 2025 edition?
I wouldn’t do that talk at a Pear Conference. You need to be more fruit focussed. Maybe discuss the optimal pip to core ratio or juiciness variations through time.
I can do juiciness through time, that’s easy. Everything was super juicy back in the before times.
Excellent. Put that in a powerpoint and do a Q&A afterwards. Job done. You’ll go down a storm.
This stuff writes itself.
“How juicy is juicy? I know the answer only I want you to tell me. Juicy can and will be the death of you. Too much and you’ll drown, sir, you’ll drown. You can’t have too much. It’ll be the end of you.”
(Notes: strong start, bit threatening, what’s another word for ‘juicy’)
I’m getting real mixed messages from that speech. I find it very confusing and bewildering. But it’s also gripping, which is what matters. If I was in a badly heated exhibition space listening to that I wouldn’t be going anywhere and I’d definitely buy some merch.
That can be arranged.
Let me print some more David Bowie tea towels and I’ll be right with you.