I don’t know what the weather’s been like up in the frozen north lately. Maybe you’ve had a bit less snow and a few days’ break from clearing the ice off your windscreen on a morning. But down here on the tropical borders between Hampshire and France, we’ve been having some fairly warm days.
On Monday it reached about 32 degrees here, which is jolly warm, I can tell you. I went shopping to the big Sainsbury’s, partly to stock up but also partly to spend half an hour in the air conditioning, and while I was in there I bought myself a little treat. I like to have some sweets in the car sometimes, and I am very partial to jelly babies. I got myself a bag of Bassett’s finest, and when I got back to the car I pulled them out of the shopping bag and dropped them in the driver’s side door pocket so I could reach in for some tasty goodness while on the road.
Here are some things I didn’t think about when I got home. I didn’t think about the fact that, if you park your car in the sun, the inside temperature quickly reaches a point about 30ºC higher than outside, so by mid afternoon the inside of my car would have reached a nice cosy 62 degrees. I also didn’t think about the fact that the melting point of gelatin is below 40ºC.
Anyway, the point of this is that on Tuesday I got in my car to go somewhere, and mid-journey, reached into the door pocket to find some delicious jelly baby treats. My hand unexpectedly entered a large gooey mass of melted jelly baby remains. I then got it all over the steering wheel too.
The jelly babies are irretrievable and could not remain in the car. They are entirely unsuitable for mobile snacking. So I’ve brought them inside and used a sharp knife to carve the jelly morass into bite-size chunks, which have an appearance somewhere between colourful jewels and gross melted sludge.
The moral of the story is: in the summer, have non-melting car sweets, such as extra strong mints or digestive biscuits.
13 comments on “Car sweets”
They look like flowers or bits of coral you’ve fished out of the sea. You did a thing and it was the wrong thing. We all make mistakes.
Mmmmm delicious gooey coral. Who keeps car biscuits though? And who has digestives without the almost mandatory chocolate semi-coating? Nobody wants sticky chocolate fingers, and crumbs on their lap whilst driving, its a recipe for disaster.
I think I’ve got the first EP by Car Biscuits before someone else heard them and I had to go off them almost immediately.
Also, nobody keeps car biscuits.
You’re right, nobody keeps car biscuits. You’d rule it out on the basis of crumbs alone. Other non-melty possibilities for car snacks include:
There’s no snacks of any description in my car, only CDs, lots and lots of CDs.
Please don’t eat my CDs.
Can you play CDs in your car, or do you just need a lot of coasters while driving?
It occurs to me that I’ve never witnessed you driving a car. It could all be an elaborate years-long lie as far as I know.
You’re right. Remember that time I’d never seen you eat a pizza? It’s the same premise. Maybe I’ve not been driving these last eight years. Do I even own a car?
I don’t know. Have I ever eaten a pizza? I don’t know that either. Has Kev ever decorated a house? It’s all a mystery. Maybe everything we’ve ever talked about has been an elaborate ironic joke. I wouldn’t put it past us.
It is the kind of thing we would do. If only there was some way of finding out.
Let me go steal a car and I’ll be right with you. It’s the only way to know. You go buy a pizza and cook that sucker for twenty minutes.
Ah Ke… wait there’s no point asking him. He’s too busy being an adult.
Way too busy. Or is he? Maybe his sprawling mansion and alleged children are all part of the same elaborate joke. Maybe he’s actually permanently logged in to the Beans and reads everything the moment it’s posted, but he thinks it’s funnier to pretend he’s not here.
Dear Lord, what have you unearthed?!?
The truth. I’m blowing this conspiracy wide open. I’m no longer even sure that we’re real. Maybe all three of us are just a false flag operation for the communists.
You’re blowing that sucker wide open, hombre. This goes all the way to the top. You don’t even know how far up it goes, man, they’re so high up they can’t even see you anymore, man. Except for Kev who’s on the ground floor of his sprawling mansions. He’s got a sideways view.