Hey everyone, it’s time to sing a song. A lovely song with lovely lyrics where everyone can have a great time, like those classic songs of the 1940s about losing your watch down a sewer grate or looking for milk in all the wrong shops.
This is a song about purchasing a fake gorilla.
“I want you all to know, I want you see to see,
What this terrible absence is doing to me.
I need to find something special for my garden,
I need to find something brash, oh, beg your pardon.
I wandered round and round, ’til I finally found
Something deeply profound.”
“There it was, sitting, waiting for my presence,
There it was between foxes, hares and pheasants.
Animal jumble bumble, humble though I was,
I was thoroughly pleased until I saw the cost.”
Wait, wait, stop the song.
Thirteen hundred pounds? For a gigantic plastic gorilla? What kind of insanity is this? I can’t afford that. No wonder there’s a thin layer of dust all over its back; it’s because nobody wants to splurge that much on something so decidedly useless.
I’m sorry, everyone. I promised you a heartfelt song and what I delivered was gorilla vitriol. You’ll have to find your good cheer and mirth elsewhere.
12 comments on “Gorilla the (money) spinner”
How big is it? It doesn’t look life size. If I’m paying more than a grand for a fake gorilla I’d want it to be life size at least.
It is big. He’s a belter of a gorilla. My best guess is somewhere in the region of 4 to 5ft tall.
That’s only a moderate sized gorilla. No way is that a silverback alpha male. This is a second rate gorilla and I’m not buying.
Are you sure? I could maybe orchestrate a discount of 1% for you. That’s a staggering amount (in London pounds anyway).
I’m not in the market for a giant plastic gorilla right now, but I could do with the baby cow balancing a tractor on its head, do you have any of those?
Oh man, I didn’t think I needed a baby cow balancing a tractor on its head, but if Kev’s getting one I don’t want to be left behind. Count me in. I’ll have one of those.
That could have been a far away tractor driving towards the cow. It was so long ago that I don’t remember which it what was wow now.
It’s all in the past wow now.
The irony is that i don’t remember if that was what I meant to write or whether it was late and I was tap tap tapping away without checking ma spellcheck.
I’m happy to assume you just coined a cool new phrase and that I’m also cool because I used it too. We’re cool now.
Thank god we’re cool now. It’s about bloody time.
I assume Kev isn’t cool now?