Hey everyone, it’s time to sing a song. A lovely song with lovely lyrics where everyone can have a great time, like those classic songs of the 1940s about losing your watch down a sewer grate or looking for milk in all the wrong shops.
This is a song about purchasing a fake gorilla.
“I want you all to know, I want you see to see,
What this terrible absence is doing to me.
I need to find something special for my garden,
I need to find something brash, oh, beg your pardon.
I wandered round and round, ’til I finally found
Something deeply profound.”
“There it was, sitting, waiting for my presence,
There it was between foxes, hares and pheasants.
Animal jumble bumble, humble though I was,
I was thoroughly pleased until I saw the cost.”
Wait, wait, stop the song.
Thirteen hundred pounds? For a gigantic plastic gorilla? What kind of insanity is this? I can’t afford that. No wonder there’s a thin layer of dust all over its back; it’s because nobody wants to splurge that much on something so decidedly useless.
I’m sorry, everyone. I promised you a heartfelt song and what I delivered was gorilla vitriol. You’ll have to find your good cheer and mirth elsewhere.
9 comments on “Gorilla the (money) spinner”
How big is it? It doesn’t look life size. If I’m paying more than a grand for a fake gorilla I’d want it to be life size at least.
It is big. He’s a belter of a gorilla. My best guess is somewhere in the region of 4 to 5ft tall.
That’s only a moderate sized gorilla. No way is that a silverback alpha male. This is a second rate gorilla and I’m not buying.
Are you sure? I could maybe orchestrate a discount of 1% for you. That’s a staggering amount (in London pounds anyway).
I’m not in the market for a giant plastic gorilla right now, but I could do with the baby cow balancing a tractor on its head, do you have any of those?
Oh man, I didn’t think I needed a baby cow balancing a tractor on its head, but if Kev’s getting one I don’t want to be left behind. Count me in. I’ll have one of those.
That could have been a far away tractor driving towards the cow. It was so long ago that I don’t remember which it what was wow now.
It’s all in the past wow now.
The irony is that i don’t remember if that was what I meant to write or whether it was late and I was tap tap tapping away without checking ma spellcheck.