Awful CDs continue to land on my doormat with depressing regularity. Currently queued up for your Four Word Review enjoyment are “Voice of the Violin” by Joshua Bell, a collection of Motown covers produced by Pete Waterman, and the 1997 self-titled album by Kavana.
Lined up for this month’s review was “Sticks + Stones” by Cher Lloyd, a 2011 slice of Simon Cowell pop. But when I put the CD in and pressed play, something was wrong.
Can you see it? Yes, that’s right. The case says “Sticks + Stones” by Cher Lloyd, but the CD itself is actually another album from the same year, Coldplay’s “Mylo Xyloto”.
Obviously at that point I had to call a halt to the whole business. This is too much. Two albums I don’t want to hear in one.
Now I don’t know what to do. I might just have to listen to Kavana instead.
That might be the bleakest sentence I’ve ever written. If the best available course of action is listening to a whole album by Kavana, you know you’ve hit rock bottom.
12 comments on “Cher Lloyd vs Coldplay”
Right, right, so what you’re saying is that you now need both CDs in order to fill the bizarrely-shaped Cher Lloyd / Coldplay hole in your life?
No. No, that is not what I am saying. For one thing, I already have one of those CDs, and for another thing, I don’t want the other one.
Anyway, unless you’re the person who sends me these awful CDs, what could you possibly do about it?
It’s not him…. its Gary Wilmott.
Garringtons Wilmingtons has found your address, mainly because Kev keeps posting it on the internet, and has been sending you CDs for yonks.
Who is he? I don’t like the idea that someone I’ve never heard of is posting me CDs.
You know that guy who did all of those things back in the day that you should remember but don’t?
Yeah, OK. I think I’m with you now. Do you mean M? The guy who sang Pop Muzik? If it’s him sending me CDs that really will be a turn up for the books.
Nah, you got that wrong mate. ‘M’ is the person in charge of MI5 and sends spies off to kill other spies in glamorous locations. If you’d ever seen a James Bond film, which you can’t unless you want to shuffle off this mortal coil, then you would know.
Well, unlike me, you’ve seen films, so you’d know.
So, are you saying that M from James Bond is the one sending me all these CDs? Is there some secret spying angle to all this that I’ve missed?
I have seen SO many films that I should BE a film (what?)
All the ones I’ve seen recently though have mostly been piffle. Ten tons of liquid waste piffle.
Yes, the British Government is using a secret organisation to furnish you with unwanted CDs. I hope you appreciate the effort they’ve gone to.
So… who sang Pop Muzik?