User avatarYes sir, we have no porno-no today

I feel like a bitter disappointment.

BITTER.

At the end of 2018 I was bragging about how we were going to jump on-board that sweet, sweet dusty bandwagon trail and start throwing about porn like it was going out of fashion. Since then despite a few notable graphic and rather explicit efforts it has mostly been a big nen for the last month or so.

I tried to look for some horrible images with which to draw the crowds in. I checked all over the internet and there’s nothing there. All the porn has run away. Unless it is hiding in the shadows I can only presume that there’s none left. Clearly the world was done with the sight of naked flesh on flesh on possibly animal on flesh.

All I can do is offer up this very small picture as compensation. All you filth hounds out there watching, I hope it is enough.

16 comments to Yes sir, we have no porno-no today

  • Enough? This isn’t nearly enough. I’ve been struggling to maintain my state of near-constant arousal over the last couple of months, and this is the last straw. All the sexiness has drained away.

  • The day the sexiness left the beans. Oh ’tis a tragic day all round. What if I draw some lewd words on a watermelon; could that plug the gap?

    (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay)

  • I don’t think anything could plug the gap now. It’s like Don McClean sang:

    And as the flames climbed high into the night
    To light the sacrificial rite
    I saw Satan laughing with delight
    The day the sexy died

  • What does he know? He has the word ‘clean’ in his name. The closest he ever got to filth is every single awful, dirty, rank pop song he’s written.

  • I think that’s actually just one awful, dirty, rank pop song, though it does go on longer than most albums.

  • His song ‘Bye Bye Old Man Pie’ is as long as one of those EPs that I’m always listening to and then destroying so nobody else can hear it. What was he thinking?

    Filth needs to quick and simple. Get in, get out, job done (waaaaaaay!)

  • Wheeeeeey!

    Yeah, “Bye Bye Filthy Pie” massively outstays its welcome. There’s nothing sexy about that.

  • Whenever I hear the opening line, “A long, long time ago…” I immediately pull a face like a kitten with an acorn lodged in its gullet and throw the radio, or whatever the music is coming out of, out the window.

  • As much fun as it is to repeatedly and continuously diss Don McLean, we should really get back to the point, which is that the sexy has died. Do we know anyone who could bring it back?

  • I heard a rumour from about twelve years ago that some guy brought it back. Perhaps he should do it again.

    You know what, we can do a Papples remix of the track and that way it would tie everything together. The Sexy Remix!

  • Or a cover! I know Kev isn’t here, and is basically dead to us now, but if he could he’d make the case very strongly for a Papples Cover Version.

  • Kev would encourage us to record a covers album and then pipe it into his house at 3 a.m. at the loudest possible volume. Kids love loud noises, strengthens the brain cell pipes.

  • Papples cover songs are due to be classified as a “Harmful Sound” under section 11a subsection 2.2 of a made up statute by the possibly existing Department of Auditory Controls in the European Parliament. Enjoy them while they last. (or until 31st October, when BoJo will de-classify them)

  • You see you, right, we let you guest on one song and then all of a sudden we’re harmful to the environment? This is the thanks we get? More questions where my pitch gets slightly higher towards the end?

    The swine!

  • It’s also illegal to drive a car after listening to more than one Papples cover version until such time as it has left your bloodstream. That doesn’t stop me mainlining them as part of my weekend bender.

  • Yeah mate, you’re always off your face on cover versions when you’re slumming the depths of Royskopp, cruising for hot bitches (?)

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