Pubs all used to be more or less the same, back in the day. Dark brown furniture, brass rail along the bar, limited range of warm beers that were predominantly bitter and included something called “mild”, and the only food offering was pork scratchings.
Nowadays pubs come in a wide spectrum, from the old man boozer to the soft play family carvery. Most pubs serve food of some description. But every now and then you find a pub that is genuinely fancy.
How fancy? Well, now you can find out by scoring your pub against this helpful checklist.
- Guest ale on tap: 1 point
- Guest gin with home-made marketing display on the bar: 2 points
- Man at bar is wearing a gilet and has an extremely large dog asleep at his feet: 1 point
- Dog snacks on the bar are in a stylish glass jar: 1 point
- Separate “restaurant area” for dining, though you can also eat in the bar if you want: 1 point
- “Please wait to be seated” sign in dining area: 2 points
- Separate menu for Sunday lunch: 1 point
- Separate menu for dogs: 2 points
- Exposed wooden beams: 1 point
- Exposed wooden beams that are actually structural and may be grade II listed: 2 points
- Table service for diners: 1 point
- Table service where the waitress is an actual waitress and not one of the bar staff: 2 points
- Made-to-order bar snacks available: 1 point
- Made-to-order bar snacks feature miniature fish and chips served in one of those fake mesh buckets as though it’s just been lifted out of a deep fat fryer: 2 points
- Made-to-order bar snack menu features n’duja, olive tapenade and padrón peppers: 3 points
- Men’s toilets do not smell of urinal cakes: 1 point
- Men’s toilets look clean: 2 points
- Men’s toilets actually are clean: 3 points
- Men’s toilets have hand lotion in little squirty bottles by the sink: 5 points
9 comments on “Fancy pub checklist”
Could we also add:
Men’s toilets have more than one urinal
Men’s toilets have functioning urinals
Men’s toilets have have hand lotion in little squirty bottles by the sink and have been refilled and not left to die because the last time it was filled Tony Blair was the Prime Minister
I think if we’re going big on the gents conveniences as a sign of fanciness, we should also have:
Men’s urinals are not one big long stainless steel trough
Any pub that has a menu for dogs is going too far. I want to relax in a pub, not sit surrounded by smelly hounds troughing through “doggy beef wellington”.
Also, barman wearing a gilet with a big dog makes me think country farmer, not fancy.
I’m out.
Smelly hounds? Doggy beef wellington? Considering you just professed your love for doggos in the other post, this feels awfully against type.
I need to be clear that the barman in the fancy pub is not wearing a gilet or in possession of a dog. The gilet-and-dog man is at the bar, and is a country gent type, who probably has a Barbour jacket hanging on the coat stand by the door and a pair of red trousers on.
He sounds as insufferable as his big smelly dog. I’ll meet you after in the Kings Head.
There’s no need to be hasty. You don’t have to interact with him or his dog, and I need to warn you that the Kings Head does not serve padrón peppers as a bar snack.
How many fancy pubs are there in your neck of the woods, Chris? Kev knows for a fact that there’s one within walking distance of my house because we quoffed a few ales there after helping with the moving.
Not many within walking distance of the house. But a 15 minute drive to a much more affluent half-timbered market town will get you a whole brace of them.