User avatarColour chart

Just in time for Kev’s annual Whole House Redecoration (start date 1 November 2018; completion due 25 October 2019), Pouring Beans Chemicals Ltd. are delighted to announce their new home decor paint range.

All our new paints are lovingly hand-made at the large chemical refinery down by the docks.

Whimbrel
Neither too yellow, nor too sad, Whimbrel is the colloquial name for the traditional butcher’s apron which this haughty colour embodies. It’s the perfect contrast to our slightly lighter Musty White and Smoky White, creating a trio of colours that sit perilously close together in modern and traditional homes.
Third Degree Burns
The deep blackened pigmentation gives a smug burgundy finish with a wonderfully sore feel. This, our most angst-ridden red, reads almost like a disingenuous purple if you compare it to our more painful looking Internal Bleeding Crimson.
Dipsomaniac
This quietly desperate blue feels wonderfully hopeless, and could be suitable anywhere from a service riser to an airy frotting room. The exact shade is rooted in a despondency palette. Like denim, its blue hue is ultimately worthless and yet always feels tipsy.
Churlish Bile
This takes its name from the old English expectorations of simple peasants with a poor diet. With its highly pigmented yellow base, this mid green creates a totally unique look by not actually being green at all. It’s a statement colour when contrasted with shades as repellent as Titchmarsh Brown. It is also fabulous when used with furtive glee.
Ocean Drowning
This rich teal takes its name from highly fashionable show-drowning in pre-revolutionary France. Sitting between Punitive Green and Biliousness, its subtle blue undertones work particularly well in modern aquatic spaces. Slop onto industrial processing units alongside Huguenot Fishwife on pipes and valves for a clean finish that is conducive to modern industry.

Other shades are also available. Please ask your stockist to mix two cans together and see what they get.

19 comments to Colour chart

  • I love how we’ve branched off into other territories. Let nobody ever think we were primarily set on chart-topping albums, hilarious podcasts and award-winning personalities.

  • Not Enough Of Anything To Be Good At It.

    That’s our motto.

  • In the words of Captain Hollister from ‘Red Dwarf’:

    “You know, a little nibble here and a little nibble there.”

    That’s us. That’s what we do. We’re nibbling all over the shop (not nobbling, that’s not a thing).

  • YES! And before you know it, we’ll be flying backwards! At least, that’s the dream.

  • If we primarily focused on one thing, it would be a massive pile of massive. Best to diversify everything to a thin, grainy paste.

  • I’m now focussed on getting Pouring Beans to fly backwards. As an abstract concept and a website existing only in the digital domain that will not be easy, but I’m pretty determined.

  • Have you tried reversing the polarity of the klink transponder? Sometimes you can get too much grimbal in the dialog pipes and that prevents the reverse thrusters from firing.

  • I haven’t, no. To be honest I’m a bit scared of the klink transponder. It does that fizzy noise that makes my teeth hurt.

  • That’s OK, it means its working. If its doing that low buzzy noise that makes your stomach churn, that’s when you want to be concerned.

  • I heard that if you don’t wobbin the poon sow then that’ll cause problems before you’ve even started.

  • I tried all that and the crank handle has become decoupled from the drive shaft. That meant the oscillotron assembly came free and one of the sprockets dropped off the nearside piston array and rolled under the sofa.

    In light of that I’m just going to leave it alone now.

  • All I know is that I’m not very good. Most problems, however, can be solved by some kind of pulley system.

  • Can you install some kind of pulley system here? I’ve given up and don’t care any more, but maybe you can still get us flying backwards, or whatever it was I was trying to achieve.

  • Your attention span to whatever you’re doing is about as extensive as my commitment to whatever new job I’ve stumbled into.

  • Yeah. Except I’m totally committed to whatever I’m doing for the short time it has my attention, while you’re paying total attention to the job you’re not committed to. So between us we’ve got this sewn up.

  • Sewn up, loose-dried, and packed away from the Winter (what?)

    I’m so glad we compliment each other’s tardiness.

  • Yeah. We’re a pair of exquisitely tesselated failures.

  • Exquisitely Tesselated Failures? Did you hear their debut EP? It was so good I destroyed every copy in existence.

  • No, I didn’t, and for exactly the reason you describe. But I have read a detailed description of it, and based on that, I’d have probably found it quite enjoyable.

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