On March 13, 2014, something important happened. What that something was, though, is a mystery.
Here are the facts of the case.
At an unknown time on that day, a registered user logged in to The Beans and – using their privileged access to this sacred dominion – perpetrated an act of digital flytipping. An image was uploaded to the web server which was not included in any post and which, until today, occupied server space without performing any useful function. That image can now be revealed for the first time in four and a half years. Let’s hope its owner will one day face justice. (Ideally chunky justice, but let’s not be picky.)
Here it is. The Police are referring to it as “Mysterious Hand Man”. Please call Crimestoppers if you have any leads.
26 comments on “Mysterious Hand Man”
I think that I can help you with that.
That’s great news.
OK: start helping.
I know who’s hand that is.
That’s incredible news, and more than a little tittilating.
Please: continue helping.
I also know what the drawing on the hand is. I have the full package.
Wonderful! That’s so exciting.
Kindly help some more.
So would you like me to tell you the aforementioned details?
I would!
Please, proceed helpfully in the manner you suggest.
Of course. I aim to be as helpful as possible. This will be my most helpful series of posts.
I’m looking forward to reading them very much.
Please commence being helpful at once, or else I will have to give orders for your immediate decking and spurning.
Okay alright, there’s no need for idle threats. I am preparing my response with the details, which will follow after one more from you.
This is one more from me.
Now please begin the helpfulness before my wrath descends on you like a ton of searing hot deathbricks.
That is my hand and the drawing is a picture of Thor with his mighty hammer. It was drawn by my friend Jen and I believe we were at the Powder Monkey pub in Wallsend.
Shit. The. Bed.
Well, you know what this means, don’t you? If that is your hand, you are now the prime suspect for putting that picture on the web server all those years ago.
I reckon the Internet Police will be dishing out some swift and decidedly chunky justice.
Ah no, come on, let’s be having none of that.
I should have told you it was Kev; he’s never here to dispute it!
It was Kev? Ah. You’re in the clear then. I thought it looked like him.
I’ve told the Internet Police to get over to Micklefield because there’s a hearty decking to be had.
Only because it would sound good in the news, can you ask the Internet Police to deck him on his decking? Also, if they have an Officer Deckham, can you get him to do the formalities?
Absolutely. It’s like the worst game of Cluedo ever: Officer Deckham, on the decking, with the… by… by decking him.
I think we all know that without officers like Officer Deckham, decking crims on the decking, our world would be a much scarier place.
It would. And a much less decky place. Officer Deckham alone increases the deckiness of the world by 4% per annum.
Kev’s going to get the decking of a lifetime.
That sounds like it should be a nice thing but it really isn’t, it really really isn’t.
He’ll not know the meaning of the word by the time Officer Deckham is done.
I think you mean HILL not know the meaning of the word.
Ha.
*Stands motionless*
*Takes a step to one side*
*Approaches Chris with his FIST raised*
*Goes to shake his hand*
*Isn’t sure what is happening at first*
*Feels awkward*
*Messes up handshake*
It’s how it should be; messily awkward. That would be a good name for a news anchor or weather person.
Possibly because it has a Romilly Weeks flavour to it.