Avatar Search engine optimisation

A couple of years ago I conducted a little experiment in what we hi-tech wireless abbab professionals call “Search Engine Optimisation”, or “SEO” for short. Some people in Silicon Valley just call it “S” now to be even more efficient, but I find that arrogant.

Anyway, the issue was that our very own Pouring Beans – arguably the place that people around the world should turn first when seeking information about beans, pouring or the decanting of legumes – was only third in Google’s search results when searching for the words “pouring beans”.

Standing in our way were a whole shady cabal of sly, underhand people whose nefarious aim was to educate young children, broaden their minds, focus their concentration and hone their hand-eye coordination. Under the cover of running Montessori nurseries, they had posted all sorts of web pages about an activity for little kids called “pouring beans”. Clearly those people were up to no good and had to be stopped.

In summer 2019 I made a post here on Pouring Beans, titled “Pouring beans”, at the unbeatable web address www.pouringbeans.com/pouring-beans, which was about the Montessori activity called “pouring beans”, using the same phrase we are all now tired of reading several more times in the text.

Three and a half years have passed and I am delighted to report that we are now, and have remained for some years, the top search result for “pouring beans”. Congratulations, everyone. We are a step closer to conquering the internet.

11 comments on “Search engine optimisation

  • Excellent work… its just a shame that nobody is actually searching for “pouring beans”.
    Maybe our marketing executive, Mioccele ver MaccMaver can get on it with a MASSIVE campaign.

  • We are absolutely gonna win ’em. In fact I think we’re going to win the whole internet. You just have to start small, and we have started very small indeed, so success is guaranteed.

  • A MASSIVE campaign, you say? I have a lot of ideas but none of which would translate into the general zeitgeist of the 21st century. Unless zombie dinosaur tennis lessons are now in vogue.

  • Well, no, I didn’t say. Kev said it literally a month ago. I’m worried that the opportunity for a MASSIVE campaign has now passed. Maybe the best thing to do is launch a MID-SIZED campaign and hope we can begin rebuilding from this disastrous state of affairs.

  • OK, fine. My final recommendation is that we launch a PETITE campaign with the aim of a few people having heard rumours about us. It’s not quite winning the whole internet but we have to start somewhere.

  • I expect we’ll have all forgotten about it by then, which will render the campaign totally meaningless. It’s the last thing the internet will be expecting, and that’s why it’s the perfect form of attack.

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