User avatarStationary Harassment – Part 2

Following the harrowing experience I encountered in Asda car park last year HERE, there is another dog looming on the horizon who clearly has something against me.

The kind of job that I do involves a lot of checking windows. I mean I love windows me, even if it wasn’t part of the job I would happily peruse lists and lists of properties with the same postcodes of the people I know to see who has got the correct certification and who hasn’t. Some people have hobbies, some people spend hours looking at double glazing; that is my life and I am sticking to it. What greets you though as you load up the lovely FENSA website is this (apologies for the poor quality photo):

What is his problem?

The woman is happily discussing getting new windows, possibly for her semi-detached house that desperately needs refurbishment work because the rest of the street has already done it and it she had to wait for her aunt’s inheritance to come through before she could pay for everything, and hiding above her shoulder is this grouch, this Grinch, this menace. The prospect of double glazing means that the house will be adequately insulated against the bad weather types so the dog should be actively encouraging this behaviour. Instead he squints and grimaces his way each time you come to the website.

He looks as though instead of serving him doggy kibbles and sweet cheeks for breakfast (I’m not quite sure what dogs eat) he received a massive turd garnished with dandruff. He looks as though he’s been waiting for his PPI refund cheque for over four weeks and the company isn’t responding to his emails. He looks like Eamonn Holmes gave him a right good telling off for not observing the strict kitchen rules, carefully printed on a wooden plaque, hanging over the doorway.

I am doomed to repeat this each and every single time. If you want to have a peek with your peeking eyes, and have the stomach for it, you can witness his face HERE

 

15 comments to Stationary Harassment – Part 2

  • I thought dogs ate sponge fingers and squirty cream. Is that wrong?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Of course it is. How absurd are you? Dogs eat kibbles, sweet cheeks, bandy bones and chuckle nuts.

  • I love chuckle nuts. People can eat chuckle nuts, right?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    They’re the snack that both dogs and humans can enjoy. Made for every girl and boy. Chuckle nuts!

  • Chuckle Nuts was also Kev’s nickname at school.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I remember when Chuckle Nuts tried his hand at extending the back of the school. They found wandering around in a hard hat, tapping the walls and muttering to himself, “that’s non load-bearing, I’ll get the boys to knock it down tomorrow.”

  • I remember when some of the lads changed the brass plaque on the western gatehouse so it said “Chuckle Nuts’ Fun Palace”. He didn’t notice for two months because he usually enters the house via the south gate and takes the Grand Driveway around the ornamental lake.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Ha ha, massive lols. Remembering is fun. Some Ukrainian tourists thought it was an actual attraction and kept waving an American Express card in his face.

  • That was hilarious. I remember one of his footmen having an argument with the coach driver about it. Of course the joke was on them because it wasn’t actually Kev’s face, it was just the highly realistic statue of himself that he installed at the gate. The one where he’s feeding the poor with one hand and controlling the sun and moon with the other.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Sometimes I get emotional thinking about that statue. Did he ever manage to get it acknowledged by English Heritage?

  • They acknowledged it in the sense that they said they would pull it down, given the chance. I think he broke off correspondence with them at that point.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    He did the same thing when I asked him if he needed another box full of ‘Bula Quo’. I mean you offer someone a gift, a deeply personal gift from the heart, and this is how he replies.

  • I know. Try not to take it personally. You’re doing the right thing by sending him the box of Bula Quo anyway.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I printed the shipping label and everything. I’ve got the courier guys coming round tomorrow morning, I mean he’s just so ungrateful. I cannot help but take it personally.

  • If anything’s going to get his chude back on course to Civility City, it’s a big box of Bula Quo.

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