Sometimes things speak for themselves.
Other times, it is best to put words in their mouths for your own amusement.
“I feel it’s only fair to say, Jim, that I’m the one who’s sleeping with Marilyn.”
“I know, Alistair. I’ve always known.”
“Forgive you for what?”
“For everything. For meeting you, in the first place. For taking the piece of grit out of your eye. For loving you. For bringing you so much misery.”
“I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.”
“I want to believe you Kenneth, I really do, but none of it would make sense unless you knew the location of the pharaoh’s eye shield. Which is why I slipped the strychnine into that lemonade you’ve been sipping for the last five minutes…”
“Linda, would you do me the honour of giving me your hand in marriage?”
“You’re not Barry! What have you done with my boyfriend?!”
“Hi, my name is Mandy. I’m new to the neighbourhood and I was looking to borrow a cup of sugar?”
“Sure, come right in.”
Sexy saxophone music plays.
18 comments on “The BEST plate you’ll EVER see”
I don’t know if this is the best plate I’ll ever see, but it’s definitely the plate I will never unsee.
Which eyes are you using when you unsee the plate?
I will never unsee the plate.
So you’re using your forever eyes?
No, not forever. Never. I will never unsee the plate.
Surely, in a rare defence of Ian’s ramblings, never unseeing is the same as forever seeing?
You might be right, but I don’t think I’m ready to admit it.
If either of you directly admit that I am right then the whole universe will collapse. We cannot allow that. Please keep your comments to yourself for the good of the planet.
Good point. In that case: don’t be so absurd, you ludicrous popinjay. I will be far more likely to use my never eyes than my forever eyes. Pull yourself together.
(phew, that was close)
I am such a… popinjay? What in the vague-recollection-of-seeing-the-Foo-Fighters-in-1997 is a popinjay?
I think its a bird. Birds aren’t generally known for their love of circa 1997 Foo Fighters though.
No they’re not. They’re known for birding around. I once birded a bit; I felt like an oblong.
No no no. You boarded around. You spent three weeks as a sheet of plywood. That’s why you felt like an oblong. Birding around is different.
Does that mean that I… I was Sean the sideboard cyborg with sideburns?
Sure. Why not.
That means I once had a Walkman in my ass because I was so hip. I think this is the best / worst news I’ve had all year 😀 :O
Are you sure you didn’t have a Walkman in your hip? That’s near your ass and it’s considerably more hip.
Hip Walkman? No, it was definitely in my ass. As we all know, when it comes to me, it’s all in the ass.