Good day gentlemen.
You have been invited here to address the fact that Chris doesn’t know who Steve Martin is.
Given the multiple film, stand up, literary and other banjo accolades Steve Martin has achieved in his 40 odd years in the limelight, Chris must have hidden his face in a wardrobe all this time. We all know that if he watches any films he will explode but there are other means by which to know of the name Steve Martin.
Please feel free to also bring to light any other matters worthy of discussion. Zingers aimed in the general direction of Kevin are positivity encouraged.
23 comments on “Town Meeting”
Can I drink my special water now?
You can attempt to “drink” it during the ‘ANY OTHER BUSINESS’ towards the end of the meeting. For now, the floor is open for discussion.
OK. I’d like to discuss the fact that I know who Steve Martin is, so I should be allowed to drink my special water.
Ok. Name me your top five Steve Martin films and we’ll see.
1. Cyrano de Bergerac
2. The Parent Trap?
3. The one where he plays the really stupid guy
5. Steve Martin and the Temple of Doom
All very good films. I am pleased to know that you know so much about Steve Martin and his films.
Was number 3 by any chance ‘The Jerk’ or was it a wild stab in the dark?
Number 5 is an all time classic.
Yeah. The Jerk. That one. I didn’t want to be too uninteresting by just using its title, so I played it cool instead.
So what did you think about Steve Martin vs Mega Octopus?
I thought it was fine. Can I drink my special water yet?
No. Answer my more questions.
What was your humble opinion of ‘Everything you wanted to know about Steve Martin (but was afraid to ask)’?
My humble opinion was that it was fine.
My ostentatious opinion was that its title was too long and that I am brilliant.
Understated yet ostentatious.
How many times have you seen the film ‘Das Steve Martin’, a four hour epic where Steve Martin transforms into a submarine and tentatively fires off torpedoes at German U-boats?
I now move to adjourn this meeting so that special water imbibing can begin.
One final point.
If you were approached for a crowd-funding of the sequel ‘Cocoon 3: The Beginning (of Steve Martin)’, where Steven Martin plays an alien who comes back with a bunch of old people to re-visit Steve Guttenberg, who is now a washed up D-List star, how much money would you contribute?
That’s pretty tricky.
I think spending a few seconds of my valuable time reading that description takes me to the point where I consider myself to have given the project all it’s worth.
What if I told you that Steven Toast was going to play Steve Martin?
I wouldn’t believe you, and I’d immediately change the subject to ask about drinking my special water.
Okay alright, you’ve been very patient.
Here, have your sodding fancy water. I hope it tastes like an ass in sewage. Sewage ass. Sewagass.
…Mm. Yeah. I mean, it’s fine. It’s not much different to normal water.
Was it worth the wait? Can I have a sip?
No. I slung it down the sink. I’m going to tell Kev not to bother making any more. If I didn’t know better I’d say it was just normal water.
Can I lick the sinkhole? Plughole? Sinkplug?
You can but don’t blame me when you catch something nasty. It’s the sink the vet uses when he’s seeing to the zorses.