User avatarVague Answer Hotline

Sometimes you need answers:

  • What time will the train arrive?
  • When does the film start?
  • What time are we meeting in Leeds?

When you need these answers, what do you do? You refer to the source of the knowledge; The train timetable, cinema website or person you intend to meet.

There are other times however, when you need information but no matter how many times you ask you’ll never get a straight answer:

  • When are you going to do that thing Kev?
  • When is Chris in Leeds?
  • Ian, do you want a drink?

On these occasions why not make use of my new service, The Vague Answer Hotline.

  • Cut out the increasingly bizarre excuses!
  • Cut out 37 text messages where one will do!
  • Cut out obscure references to ‘celebrities’ you’ve never heard of and never will again!

Bored Operatives

Our operatives are sat around bored out of their minds, just waiting to give you a generic vague answer that will be just as much use to you as the answer you’ll eventually get anyway.

Why not try it for yourself and give us a call today?

13 comments to Vague Answer Hotline

  • I phoned them and asked whether they could answer a question for me. They were very noncommittal. I wasn’t sure what to do so I ended the call. 10/10 for vagueness.

  • Great news, its good to hear from a satisfied customer. Its feedback like this that makes the whole thing worthwhile.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I rang to enquire as to when Chris should expect a response to his original question. They paused and said that someone would have to call me back, maybe next week.

  • I just tried calling again and I got put on hold. The recorded message said I might be in a queue and said my call was probably important, though it didn’t say who to. After half an hour I gave up because I’d forgotten my question.

  • That is worrying, the service should always endeavour to give you an answer, no matter how vague. We are experiencing very high call volumes due to the early successes people had wit the system, but that is no excuse for not giving you you some vague reply to a question.

    I’ll pass on you experiences to the Service Manager, Mr Cockall.

  • Does the Vague Answer Hotline have a service level agreement that sets out standards of vagueness? Is there a maximum and minimum level of vagueness for all their answers? I’m interested in how I can be sure I’m getting value for money out of this service.

  • Yeah, probably. I think its over there.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It’s nice that Mr Cockall is thriving in this work environment.

  • Has he said anything specific enough that we can be sure he’s thriving?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    So far he’s said… N O T H I N G!


  • Can I ask who the nice lady is in the picture? She looks nice. Though she has very big feet.

  • She is some woman Mr. Cockall hired to do a job in the thing. Shes quite good. She might be Claire or Clara, something like that.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I think she looks like a Wilhelmina.

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