Since Kev came down with a mystery illness – possibly conjunctivitis, possibly eye flu, possibly his brain leaking out of his face, we don’t know – he has been present here on The Beans much more regularly than usual. That’s had the unusual effect of making the “comments” section of recent blog posts, normally reserved for a conversation between me and Ian, to have a third voice.
I for one have enjoyed his increased presence, and having the number of comments he normally posts in a year or so all appear within one week has been a welcome change.
The question now is: how do we lock in these benefits, so that this magnificent period doesn’t come to a terrible and disappointing end when he goes back to work?
My solution is the Keep Kev Ill campaign. The aim of this campaign is simple: to supply Kev with an ongoing supply of debilitating but not life-threatening illnesses so that he remains at home, off sick from work, where he can continue contributing to the Beans. Who knows, after a couple of months he might even write a blog post.
I have started this important initiative by getting some people at work who have a cold to cough into an envelope, which I have posted to his home address. Please join me in sending more low-level biohazardous material to Micklefield, for the benefit of everyone who visits The Beans. Thank you.
17 comments on “New: the Keep Kev Ill campaign”
Whilst this has a delightful sentiment, I’m already covered in in the disease supply department, by my miniature assistant, Ted. He appears to basically be patient zero for every damn thing going.
PS. I am back at work now
PPS. on twitter this looked like it said “Keep Kev III” as in 3. I was confused.
I am delighted by the delightedness of your response. I fully agree that, as you suggest, we should be sending diseases to Ted who is regularly in your company and is in a better position to judge when to deploy a fresh ailment to you.
PS. Stop that and go home.
PPS. We are not ready for Kev III until Kev II has been introduced and reached the end of its natural life.
That’s what I had originally thought. Why does Kev need to be kept III when he isn’t III? We are III, but he is I. I could easily be III but I choose to remain as I. I always eat for III.
You do always eat for III but I don’t see how that permits you to just become III on a whim. You are clearly just as much I as Kev and myself.
Anyway, this has taken us off the subject for II long.
I’m confused, you said “We are not ready for Kev III until Kev II has been introduced” but you didn’t say when that would be. Does Kev I have to expire before that happens or is it like a parallel running thing?
No, I expect Kev II will be launched when the current Kev I has reached the end of its useful operational life and has been retired from service*.
* Dismantled and burned in a big fire.
Will Kev II post on the beans more than Kev I? If so, we cannot start the dismantling and burning tomorrow morning…
Kev II is still at the design stage. If you’d like a tendency to post more on the Beans to be integrated into Kev II, this would be a good time to discuss that with the team working in the Kevindo Engineering, Virtualisation and Implementation Node (K.E.V.I.N.).
Do they have a website like http://www.comb? Can I submit my request online?
Yes. The web address for K.E.V.I.N. is http://k.e.v.i.n/
I’m gonna jack into that right now and upload some beef.
Treacle beef. A thick, syrupy substance that you can spread in your sandwich or serve as a very special Sunday dinner.
Ah, the three base beefs from which all beefs are derived. The Beefy Trinity. I was once served a pie that contained all three – a mix of diseased beef, leaky beef and treacle beef in a rich buttery crust. Every meal since then has been a disappointment.
Is that because every single meal since hasn’t sent you to A & E?
Exactly. No other pie has given me a whole evening out where I get to explore the many departments of a busy hospital.