Avatar Announcements

As we dwell on what it is to be human, how it is to act and treat others, and other big questions such as these, occasionally you sit down and decide that all of that can be pushed aside for the moment because there are more important things to consider. I mean, I could wax lyrical about the *checks* state of growing marrows in grow bags for hours on end, but who would really take the time to read it? Would you? I didn’t think so.

What you need is something to get excited about. What you need is a big ole’ bag of news that I can throw over you and you’ll drown in all my tasty, tasty titbits of information. I am doing it right now, as you read this; if you try to swim you won’t be able to from all the bumpy pieces of gossip I am using to weigh you down. You may be gasping for air and I am going to squeeze the life right out of you.

Actually, that sounds pretty threatening, so I’m not going to do that. Have a bunch of announcements instead:

  • Today is 22 June which means nothing but happiness and joy for the good people of America celebrating National Chocolate Éclair Day. Yes, it does sound completely made up and I would imagine that 99% of the population don’t even know that it is National Chocolate Éclair Day but who am I to stand in the way of our overseas cousins? Let them eat anything they want if it means that we can carry on receiving their Lucky Charms and odd flavours of soft drinks
  • Famous birthdays today include Meryl Streep, Cyndi Lauper and my personal favourite, Bruce Campbell. Keep on tooting, guys
  • For my personal announcements, I want everyone to know that I try to be as observant as I can be. I took the recycling out the other day and, crossing the street to the communal bins, I noticed a sock on the floor. Hmmm, that looks familiar, I thought, and carried on walking. A few days later with another bag of recycling, I noticed the sock was still there. It had been ran over by a few cars by then, flattened against the tarmac and grubby with muck. It was only then, striding past it clutching my bogrolls and cereal boxes, did I realise that it was my sock. How it got there, I’m not sure, but scientists are doing their best to reconstruct the series of events leading up to this using fancy sci-fi gadgets that I’m not allowed to touch.

If anyone else would like to announce anything then please do so.

6 comments on “Announcements

  • This is great. I feel like I’m totally up to date with everything you’ve been doing lately.

    What we all need to know next is whether you took the sock back indoors for a good wash, and whether it’s had time to recover enough to tell you its amazing story.

  • Is it suitable for wearing again or can it now slip into a well-earned retirement after its ordeal? How is its partner doing?

  • When it wasn’t looking, I bundled it back together with its partner and gave them some alone time. Things are back on track and there may even be some little socks on the way very soon.

  • This is absolutely heartwarming. You’ll be delighted to hear that I’ve sold the story rights to Pixar and I am now very rich indeed.

  • How enterprising, and right under my nose too! Chris Marshall you devil you. I would almost certainly end the friendship here and now if I wasn’t about to do the same thing but with your chair and footstool 14 years apart epic.

    Oh look, it’s done.

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