Okay, hear me out.
You want to make a statement. You’ve been living in your house for a while now and it’s getting a bit drab. You’re tired of looking at the same old bits of furniture. What you need is a bit of something something to make the living room sparkle.
You need a focal point, a conversation starter, one of those magical items that nobody else has. You need people to walk into your living room or dining room and be so stunned by what’s there that they are putty in your hands.
You can’t buy the kind of shock value this piece will give you. It’s one-of-a-kind, it’s classy and it’s sassy, and it’s in stock right now. I can give you the deets and you can swing by to pick it up in a few hours. You can’t say fairer than that.
14 comments on “Your new favourite blank”
Is this… is this a table?
It’s so much more than a table. This is your life now.
This is not my life. I don’t want it and you can’t make me have it. I’d go as far as to say that being anywhere near this would bring me out in hives.
God. Damn. Lips.
This is innovation right here. Kate would love this. If you rocked up to your gaff with this under your arm you’d be quids in (what?)
I don’t know if Kate would love this. I think if I rocked up to my gaff with one of these she’d probably refuse to let me in.
You hide it behind your back until you’re within the domicile, then you had it over. Come on, I thought I was dealing with a professional here.
The thing is, I don’t want that in my gaff, so there’s absolutely no way that I’d carry it through the door. If I had it in my possession I’d be looking for a skip to dump it in before I got anywhere near home.
I’ve seen you and i know your taste in furniture and decor, and this is you to a tee. A tea. To a T.
Everything about that sentence is so wrong that I’m honestly doubting whether you have ever actually seen me.
If you weren’t blowing your wads on huge quantities of Easter eggs then you’d have enough to buy this piece of modern art.
Another reason to be thankful I’ve spent my entire life savings on chocolate eggs.
It’s OK Chris, don’t worry. Me an the lads (Ian and Rueben) had a whip round in the pub and we’ve bought it for you. Its really sad to see people denied their dream table due to a lack of funds. It’s coming to you via Evri on Thursday, so expect to find it smashed into small pieces on your neighbours front doorstep, with a note through your letterbox saying you weren’t in.
That’s the ideal outcome. Thanks lads.
The humanity! It’s a good job they still have plenty in stock.