Avatar Appeasing the magical computers

Right, lets just get all the “Oh look Kev’s back” crap out of the way upfront… I haven’t been here. I know.

I’ve got a 3 month old boy, a tired (lunatic) wife and myself to look after. As I’m sure Ian can testify, this is hard work. Nobody gets enough sleep, everyone is cranky and there are very few spare minutes in a week let alone a day.

It’s lovely, wonderful and bloody hard work. Anyway…


This wonderful little commune of excellence we have going doesn’t happen for free. The magical computers that carry the bits, bytes and sandwiches of data backwards and forwards have to be periodically fed cash money else they get angry and stop.

The magical computers we have used for the last few years have gotten greedy, wanting more and more cash money whilst simultaneously getting fat and a bit slow. The ceremonial feeding is due very soon and I’d like to try moving to a new group of magical computers, which both eat less money and claim to be faster at carrying sandwiches.

I’m plan to appease the new computers with a feed so large it will last for 2 whole years, but to do so I need your helps.

If you want the Beans™ to continue, I’d like you (Chris and Ian) to agree to hand over £15 each so that the ceremony can be performed.  I have appeased the current computers with a light snack which will see us through another month, but I’d like to get moving on this pretty sharpish. Let me know your thoughts…

8 comments on “Appeasing the magical computers

  • I agree to hand over £15 if, and ONLY if, you guarantee that the computer in the picture is the type of computer we will be using from now on. If I am paying fifteen solid monwahs I want to know we’re being given the best of the best, and everyone knows that bigger computers are better computers.

  • Have my money. Or my mieny. Take either. We can’t give up on the old girl just because Johnny Conglomerate wants another slice of the beans.

  • Excellent, I will take your money Ian. You can keep your filthy mieny to yourself. Nobody wants to see that.

    Chris, it won’t be the exact mega computer in the image as I believe that one is currently in charge of IBM, but I’m sure it will be one very much like it, is that OK?

  • They should use Kev on the telly to advertise having children.


  • Kevin is just as good advertising children as he is not advertising children. There was a period of thirty years which went by when he wasn’t advertising children and he did a triple A job.

  • I keep seeing people in supermarkets with children in their trollies. I can only presume they are buying them at an unprecedented rate. Good job you resisted though; I hear the initial cost is bearable but shoots up shortly thereafter

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