As promised, please see the premier pre-birth certificate for Mr Menendez and his lovely wife’s new child, expected soon.
Kev and Ian discuss such inane nonsense as:
Right, lets just get all the “Oh look Kev’s back” crap out of the way upfront… I haven’t been here. I know.
I’ve got a 3 month old boy, a tired (lunatic) wife and myself to look after. As I’m sure Ian can testify, this is hard work. Nobody gets enough sleep, everyone is cranky and there are very few spare minutes in a week let alone a day.
It’s lovely, wonderful and bloody hard work. Anyway…
This wonderful little commune of excellence we have going doesn’t happen for free. The magical computers that carry the bits, bytes and sandwiches of data backwards and forwards have to be periodically fed cash money else they get angry and stop.
The magical computers we have used for the last few years have gotten greedy, wanting more and more cash money whilst simultaneously getting fat and a bit slow. The ceremonial feeding is due very soon and I’d like to try moving to a new group of magical computers, which both eat less money and claim to be faster at carrying sandwiches.
I’m plan to appease the new computers with a feed so large it will last for 2 whole years, but to do so I need your helps.
If you want the Beans™ to continue, I’d like you (Chris and Ian) to agree to hand over £15 each so that the ceremony can be performed. I have appeased the current computers with a light snack which will see us through another month, but I’d like to get moving on this pretty sharpish. Let me know your thoughts…
York Minster, Deangate, York, YO8 7HH – Monday 18 April 2016
Hymn: O Lord You Are Definitely Real And We Believe In You
The Archbishop of York to read from the Book of Revelations, chapter 12 verse 18, “The Unwavering Faith of the Hills”
Hymn: Let This Child Be Raised Unto God
Bible reading by the father of the child, Mr Chang, from the Book of Lego, chapter 8 verse 66, “Silence Thee Atheist Scum, for Jesus is my Wingman”
Deployment of Changlet into the font for the Solemn Holy Dunking
Hymn: Take Thee This Freshly Moistened Child And Send Him To Sunday School
Sermon by the Archbishop of York: the tribulations of St. Menendez The Faithful in the Replacement of the Taps
Prayer, led by Changlet himself, who has been provided with a text-to-speech system and a loudspeaker.
Changlet: We Need Three
Congregation: We Are Three
Hymn: I Just Got My Scout Badge For Praying Lots
Organ recital of Handel’s “Heretic Waltz” as congregation departs
Sausage rolls and Vimto will be served in the Pig and Whistle function room from 15:00.
LEEDS, UK – Internationally renowned design genius, Kevindo Menendez has today, 16/3/16, finally taken the wraps off his new fashion collection for babies developed closely with much respected manufacturer of fancy goods, Smoochies Inc.
The new range, entitled “Baby Looks Good”, is expected to be available for retail distribution from the beginning of April. The range uses key elements from Menendez’s back catalog, such as the ‘CRAB’ and ‘PENGUIN’ motifs and the now legendary artwork commissioned by PouringBeans for their website.
I am very proud to have been a part of the development of this new range. I have always admired Kevindo’s artwork, I actually have several original pieces in my studio at home, and to be able to bring it to the masses in a range which is durable, absorbent and machine washable is greatly satisfying.
Ian McIver, Managing director of Smoochies Inc.
Huh? I just doodled a crab and this bloke brought me some things with it on. Everyone seems really excited by it so I guess it must be good.
Kevindo Menendez, Design Genius
Retaillers or distributors interested in stocking the range should contact Smoochies Inc Directly via the usual channels, quoting ref: S3LL-M3-CR4BS