Welcome back to the Melocaeruledus zone. This time we take a deep dive (literally) into the aquatic regions of the Fladger family tree with the Nautical Fladger…
Nautical Fladger
Scientific Name: Melocaeruledus pelagornis (pelagornis = “of the open sea”, befitting its aquatic and wide ranging habitats)
Common Names: The Nautical Fladger, The Sea Bastard, The Pinchy Fizzer.
Habitat: Rocky shores, tidal caves, open seas.
Description: This maritime variant retains the shimmering blue-green fly arse of its kin, but its forelegs have evolved into lobster-like claws suited for cracking shellfish and prising molluscs from rocks. Its wings, encrusted with salt, serve as stabilisers in water as well as for brief buzzing flights between tidal pools, reefs and stranded boats.
Behaviour: It is fiercely territorial around rich feeding grounds and is known to follow fishing vessels, stealing bait and offal when it thinks nobody is looking. When threatened, it retreats to coastal caves, clinging upside-down to damp stone while emitting a low, rattling buzz to ward off intruders.
Notes: The Nautical Fladger is more often heard than seen—its eerie trilling cry echoing across misty harbours.
9 comments on “Guide to the Genus Melocaeruledus: The Nautical Fladger”
What I take away from all this is that the Fladger family has ruled out the land and the air, and has now also ruled out the sea. Nowhere is safe.
This is more David Cronenberg than any of David Cronenberg’s films. Terrifying on every level.
I think old Davey C gets a lot of his material from Kev anyway.
He does, and his films are much more richer and have more layers of jaxx than any other director in Hollywood.
Thanks to Kev? Or just coincidentally?
Nothing is thanks to Kev. When was the last time you thanked him?
It’s never happened.
It would be a sign of weakness and I must maintain my alpha status.
That’s right. You keep bullying him to stay on top of the pecking order.