It occurred to me the other day, when Kev trademarked the name “Metal Horse™”, that we’ve trademarked quite a few terms over the years, and the terms that make up our intellectual property must now be quite substantial.
I have, therefore, conducted several exhausting days* of research to discover just how wide-ranging our various trademarks are, and I can present the results to you now for the first time. So here are
all of the Pouring Beans trademarked terms, every last one, in chronological order.
Character Hatch™ Date: 31 January 2010 By: Kev First use: Oi! Remarks: Probably the most commonly used of all our trademarks, and the most terrifying component of the Beans canon.
Wheel of Thrusting™ Date: 15 July 2010 By: Ian First use: Highs and Lows Remarks: Ian’s most practical invention, the Wheel of Thrusting™ had to be trademarked to avoid the idea being copied all around the world.
PouringBeans™ Date: 18 September 2014 By: Kev First use: Things You Didn’t Know About 10 Owls Remarks: Strangely, “PouringBeans™” has been trademarked as a single word, but never “Pouring Beans”. I don’t know why. I’m not a lawyer.
The Flat in London that Nobody Wanted™ Date: 12 July 2015 By: Ian First use: Newsboost: National State of Emergency Remarks: If there had to be a trademarked brand name for my old flat in Crystal Palace, it could only be this.
Toothpork™ Date: 15 September 2015 By: Chris First use: Reviews of Mundane Objects: Toothpaste Remarks: My very first trademark is for a delicious pork-flavoured toothpaste product, since Kev doesn’t like mint. It is, tragically, still not yet in large scale production.
Britain’s Newest Dad™ Date: 7 March 2016 By: Ian First use: Chang’d Up, Chang’d Down Remarks: Kev becomes the first Beans member to be trademarked, but not the last.
ChangTang™ Date: 5 June 2017 By: Kev First use: Frankenstein’s Sideboard (comment) Remarks: Not clear what this is or why it needed a trademark.
Dirty Chips™ Date: 9 May 2018 By: Kev First use: Chips (comment) Remarks: It’s only right that Kev should trademark this.
Hot Beans™ Date: 31 December 2018 By: Ian First use: Hot Beans (TM) Remarks: Ian’s last trademark to date is for one of his less questionable product ideas, though that term is relative.
Leggy Duck: a revolution with feathers™ Date: 5 September 2019 By: Chris First use: Leggy Duck Remarks: Easily the tallest of all our trademarked concepts, and the most buoyant.
Things™ Date: 10 December 2019 By: Kev First use: Where the Things Are (comment) Remarks: It had to happen some time.
Hotter Otter™ Date: 27 February 2020 By: Kev First use: Mrs Miggins is Up To No Good (comment) Remarks: Completing the hat trick, Ian finally gets himself a trademark.
Pouring Beans Calendar 2020™ Date: 19 July 2020 By: Chris First use: Happy Slick Voles’ Day Remarks: Not clear why this wasn’t trademarked when the calendar was first marketed in November 2019.
Metal Horse™ Date: 28 September 2020 By: Kev First use: Goodbye, Metal Horse Remarks: The latest entry from our most prolific trademarker came just two days ago, and may have prompted the idea for this blog post, which is in no way a quick way of sniping in one last post this month before the deadline.
* About ten minutes.