Avatar Quiet Beans

There hasn’t been much going on during June here at the Beans. Where is everyone? We’ve sent our roving reporter to find out.


Ian has been unable to use the internet for the last two weeks, and in fact has not been able to use any sort of electrical equipment at all. Ever since water began pouring into his life from a great height, washing away all furniture, internal decor and hope, he has been trapped in a bathroom near Wallsend holding a bucket up to a leaky ceiling with a long pole.


Initially it was difficult to track Chris down as nobody seemed certain of his location. It now appears that he now lives an itinerant lifestyle. Following an initial period in May in which he began working certain days in Manchester, he has now found it expedient to simply live on a Virgin Pendolino train, which works the London Euston to Manchester Piccadilly Route, and just get off at the appropriate city depending what day it is. He has partitioned off half of Carriage F and converted it into a small studio apartment. His new postal address is Flat 1, Train 84016, The West Coast Main Line.


Kev hasn’t had time to post to the Beans because he’s been adding a new mezzanine level and decorative cupola to the annexe leading off the South Wing. Most of June has been spent varnishing the exterior brickwork and buffing the gutters. The Honourable Peter Wickham, Alderman of the City of Leeds, is due to open the new mezzanine, featuring a series of specially-commissioned busts depicting Kev as each of the Roman gods, in a special ceremony on 1 July.

11 comments on “Quiet Beans

  • That’s true. Our stupid roving reporter hasn’t been doing his job properly. I’m going to sack him straight away.

  • And let us not forget that some people have leggier windows than others *wink, wink*

  • Are any of Kev’s windows leggy? I’ve always got the feeling he never got right on those fashions because he was too busy lagging his mantlepieces.

  • I think it was part of his original plans but he was too chicken to go through with it. Those plans were originally drawn up circa 2012, so now that everyone has leggy windows he doesn’t want to look as though he’s following the trend.

  • That’s quite incredible as Reuben remarked the other day, between port and cigars, “I’m so bally damned relieved the old sport didn’t pip pip the bronze chandys as otherwise we’d have knocked him on the ajax and sent him up to Spruddingtons!”

  • It was top notch. He hit the score for cranky and ended up on the Algernon.

  • Ruddy marvellous. Knew he’d do well. I’m sure he’ll give them a spanking once he starts in the rowing eleven too.

  • Slip wardle, poff undershan. Tib noogen era sith my penticost.

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