User avatarRuislip Man

I think I’m on to something big here, but I want to know if you think it’s marketable *finger window*.

I moved to Ruislip back in August and immediately noticed that this large and important suburb was entirely missing its own superhero. I have decided it is my civic duty to fill this clear gap. I am, therefore, going to transform myself into… Ruislip Man.

Here’s my first publicity photo. I think you’ll agree it’s pretty heroic.

Hopefully, once I’ve saved a few old ladies trying to cross the street and rescued a few cats from trees, Ruislip Man will be a household name, paving the way for a lucrative range of spin-off toys, stationery and action figures.

Incidentally, I’m now recruiting for a sidekick. Let me know if you’d like to apply and what your suitably suburban superhero name would be.

30 comments to Ruislip Man

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Knife Strike! That’s my sidekick name.

  • Ruislip Man and Knife Strike. Yes. I like that. Though I’d advise you not to carry an actual knife as the police take a dim view of that round here.

  • Kevil

    You need to work on your heroic face, you look more like a disgruntled stranger.

    Which leads me on to my sidekick name… Disgruntled Stranger.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I would say less disgruntled and more guilty, definitely trying to hide something…

  • That’s not my heroic face. I am looking stern, so that villains and neer-do-wells understand what a dim view I take of their antics. Ruislip Man will avenge their wrongdoing.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    You’d take a dim view on anything with a face like that. If you’re going to promote yourself you need a PR man.

    I’m that man. I’ve got PR pumping through all holes 24hrs a day, baby.

  • That sounds like the most repulsive PR I’ve ever heard of. Count me in. On behalf of myself and Disgruntled Stranger, welcome to the team.

  • Disgruntled Stranger


  • Damn, that is one brilliant catchphrase. I need a catchphrase.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    What about, “Affluence away!”

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    “Northwood and Pinner!”

  • I like “Northwood and Pinner”, but it might work better as the title of a gentle daytime TV drama about two solicitors.

    How about “I take a dim view of your antics”?

  • “I shall be writing a sternly worded letter to my MP Sir. Good-day to you.”

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver


  • My MP is Boris Johnson and I would prefer not to correspond with him. What do we all think of “come along now, there’s a good chap”?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I looked at that, left it, came back and it still isn’t working for me.

    How about, “what I lack in strength and speed I more than make up for with sass?”

  • I think that’s a bit too long. What about “Stop that, you cad!”

  • Nah… How about “Steady On!”

  • I could recycle one of the rejected slogans for the New Beans. What about: “whooooops!”?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    How about, “Oopsie Daisy!”?

    I think Kev’s attempt is good although it should end with “… bad boy!” so you can really camp it up big style.

  • The more I think about it the more I like “Crikey Moses!”

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    You’d sound more like Penfold (i.e. the sidekick) if you chose that. Avoid, avoid like a woman crying on some stairs.

  • Well, OK. How about “avoid it like a woman crying on some stairs!”?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It works for me, but then again most things work for me. As long as they don’t make sense. Which is almost everything. And the structure of these sentences.

  • And the wetness. And the wetness. And the wetness.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Bless you!

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Who’s Andy Wet Nurse?

  • He’s the one who sneezed.

  • …on some stairs and made a woman cry?

  • So why is Chris dressed like a woman, crying on some stairs whilst a man called Andy Wet Nurse sneezes on him?

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