Avatar The ‘Ianiest’ thing

We’ve crept into 2023. I side-stepped in a few days ago, crimsonly of course, and it looks and feels very much like 2022. There’s a distinct 2022 sheen over the whole thing. I expect this is how most years will be now, a smear of what happened previously, everything looking awfully familiar with only a few choice moments to differentiate the two. Yes, I know that does sound awfully bleak for the first post of the year. I’m fine with it and you should be too, so deal with it.

The good news is that based on the comments from my last post it seems like a great time for a poll;

What is the most ‘Ianiest’ thing ever?

We all know that the years have been littered with a lot of ‘Ian’ stuff from things that I’ve said to things that I’ve done or even things that I said I would do. Here’s a few that immediately come to mind:

  • The time I decided to eat a raw red onion and asked Reuben to film me doing it. It took about four attempts because of the strength of the onion. I couldn’t taste anything else for the next three days.
  • Sending letters out as audio tapes on a Dictaphone (aka ‘the Mackford Files’).
  • The time you were both visiting and we took Reuben out to the park. When it started raining (I hate this, why did I do this?) I took off my t-shirt and used it to dry the slide so Reuben wouldn’t get wet.
  • After a night out, standing in the queue for the takeaway behind some policemen, throwing up quietly into a plastic cup because I’d drank too much.
  • Trying to bring back the “finger wiggle dance” from the 1920’s and 1930’s to the 21st century with very little success (which, after a very brief look on the internet, may be called ‘Truckin’ – “The right hand is held up (as in a right turn signal) with the index finger extended and wagging.”) I’m still working on the Lindy Hop.
  • Getting half-cut off three pints, catching an Uber home, cooking Reuben’s tea, doing the washing up and then hopping on a bus back to town for more drinks.

Given that our subscription numbers are decidedly low, it will not be a vote and instead all submissions will be judged by myself and assembled into a numerical list in a future post. I will have the final say on what is the ‘Ianiest’ of all time although I will allow some general input once the top five (or three, or two if the cupboards are running dry) has been compiled. This therefore guarantees me a future post which is a win in my book.

I’ve done too many things to remember so I need your help to recollect because, as we all know, “Remembering is fun”.

We definitely need to copyright that at some point.

12 comments on “The ‘Ianiest’ thing

  • Fairly high on my list would be spending the first two years in your new flat with an old lady’s dirty toilet seat in your bathroom, because you didn’t know if the council would one day want it back.

    I would also nominate the time Kev and I came to Newcastle and we all went to a Mongolian barbecue restaurant for tea, where we could get unlimited quantities of amazing food from the Magical Flan Hatch. I remember asking you what you’d got to eat. You looked down at a plate of delicious, exotic cuisine, and said, “I dunno, some meat and some sauce”.

  • Yes. You do reckon that. We all have our own opinions on the matter.

    I enjoyed the time you visited the Ruislip Penthouse, single-handedly invented and kept mentioning your own running joke about Steve wanting large amounts of sugar, and then bought and deposited several 1kg packs of granulated sugar inside his bed before you departed. I later had to explain to him what the fuck was going on.

  • Do you remember the time we missed a train home from an evening out and had to spend 20 minutes in the freezing cold at Clapham Junction? You spent the whole time singing the Cheeky Chaffinch song to me and I very much did not want to hear it.

  • We did. I’m a bit sad that Kev has no memories of you at all, I’d hoped he would at least turn up to confirm he’s heard of you. Sorry about that.

  • Still, it’s nice that I’ve been able to come up with some examples of Iany times. Maybe Kev will one day read this and be sufficiently interested to find out who you are.

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