You don’t need me to tell you what’s what.

You know I swan up with very little fanfare and whip out a couple of blinders. It’s only a matter of time before we go global and, I don’t know, Margot Robbie is having afternoon tea with Timothy Shallamoose and they’re saying our catchphrases between the sandwich and cake course.

Let’s whip up a storm:

• Shat in a pampers! – it feels good saying it out loud. Try it the next time you accidentally hit your thumb with a hammer
• You get the lentils, I’ll get the bleach – always use responsibly, to check if someone is actually listening to you
• Park it where I can see it – possible sitcom zinger, used by sitcom mum to keep sitcom kids in check
• Claw ’em, core ’em, floor ’em – a personal phrase from the one and only Tad Kensington. It’d take too long to explain it (so see below*)
• Put your potatoes away, I’m not interested – it depends on the context

Now that we’re almost halfway through the year, next month will be a ‘best of the best’ showcasing all the gold we’ve dug up so far.

I personally can’t wait.

(*When you really want the razzle dazzle for that big presentation, you have to prove to people that you’re really willing to go that extra mile. First up is the clawing, getting your nails into them, showing them who’s boss and that you won’t let go without a fight. Second up is core ’em, strip them bare right down to their very being. Not to humiliate but to unearth what the person really wants. To get right to it and understand what’s going on. Once you’re there, take to the stage to bring it home. Floor them, floor them all so you’ll walk away with a smile and your commission several times over).