You’re not seeing things.

We’ve managed to track down another one of those boys to find out what’s going on in his perennial noggin, what’s perplexing his grey matter. Let’s have a sit down and a chat with Drake Fondles!

Name: Drake Fondles

Age: Old enough

What type of boy band member are you: I’m the talent, the songwriter, the visionary, the artist. I write the words to all the songs then hand them to someone else to rewrite and fix to someone else’s music

How many curls: enough to fill a wheelbarrow

I most look like: a dainty flower fixed upon a mountain hilltop in the flurriest of weather but also on a summer’s day

Best celebrity chicken: Florence Chuckles

Chaffinch – controversial?: I’d rather you didn’t bring it up

Pour me a mug of: delicious melodies sprinkled with stardust

Fuzziest television: Uncle Tupperware’s

How “me” are you: I am more you than you ever were, and I can guarantee that. In fact, I’m going to write a song about it right now

Finish this phrase, “Shoulder shrug…”: emotionless mug