Here at The Beans, we get a lot of questions and enquiries from our adoring fans, but there’s one issue that comes up more than any other: what kind of alpaca you are. It’s obviously impossible for us to investigate each person in full and answer each letter individually to let people know what kind of alpaca they are. Instead, we’ve produced this handy quiz that you can score for yourself and find out approximately what kind of alpaca you are.
Record your score for each question and then scroll down to find your match.
- When the farmer is brushing your fur, which bit needs all the attention?
- My back: there’s just so much fur there
- The tuft of hair on my head
- The shaggy mane on my long, flexible neck
- What sort of weather do you like best?
- The rain, because it makes the grass more deliciously juicy
- Clouds, because the more diffuse light makes me more photogenic
- The sunshine, so I can frolic in the field
- What do you find most difficult on a day-to-day basis?
- Getting enough to eat. There’s never enough with all these other alpacas around
- Turning right. My hair effectively covers one eye, so I can only see out of the left side
- Self-belief, and the confidence to be myself
- What is your position in the herd?
- I’m the biggest and I like to be in charge
- I’m not the alpha but I’m definitely the public face of the herd
- They don’t understand me, but that’s fine. I do my own thing
- What would you say is your defining feature?
- My shapely legs, because they look like human legs in thick trousers
- My effortless style
- The fact that I am a unicorn
How did you do?
You are Chunky Alpaca. Well fed and well bred, the Chunky Alpaca is solidly built, with thick, warmly insulating fur and the ability to spit over long distances.
You are Boyband Alpaca. Style-conscious and admired by all the lady alpacas, you are right on the fashions but always at the mercy of quickly-shifting popular opinion.
You are Unicorn Alpaca. Your horn may only be a striped party hat, but you bring joy and laughter wherever your mythical hooves land. You strongly dislike being reminded that you are not actually a unicorn.