I think I deserve credit for not diving into this straight away after unleashing this hotch potch of box-ticking nostalgia bait. I waited a whole *checks* four months before phoning it in again. You’re welcome.
I also deserve a hearty pat on the back for writing a ‘quick post to earn a bean’ post nine days before the end of the month. I’m breaking all the rules of convention. What a trendsetter I am. You’re also welcome (God, this is exhausting).
We need some kind of awards ceremony to celebrate how great I am not just at being me but also being me in written form.
Anyway, enough of that. Let’s dive back into 2014 Ian to see what was going through his mind:
- An apple a day keeps the cold-calling telemarketing away
- Giant butt sea castle
- Torch eyes tours
- Dyslexic spelling error sky writer message
- Nuclear fallout – beetles and lens solution
- Learning to write with toothpaste is silly
- Sugar cube igloo
- Snake shoelaces. Worm shoelaces?
- Bulldog clips rep is misguided (?)
- Fruit tennis
- Return of the icing sugar squirrels (this one still makes me laugh)
- Napkins have feelings too, you know
- Bog roll binoculars
- Public trampolines
- New type of screwdriver
The rest of the ideas from this page were so good they were used in the Twitter feed because they’re all crossed out.
What a great time was had by all.
10 comments on “Newsboost – unused material (part two)”
“Bog roll binoculars” made me do an actual lol. That’s great. Let’s all get a pair of those.
Easy to make but crucially easy to love. Now, more than ever, that’s what this world needs.
Public trampolines sounds like an idea one of the political parties will have announced at a conference in desperation.
Not complaining though, I’d vote for it.
It’s very ‘The Thick of It’. Quick, we need a policy to announce at that meeting that starts in 20 minutes. What do people like? Hugs? Knitted jumpers? Oh, wait, trampolines.
*Malcolm Tucker sweary tirade about trampolines a few hours later*
I can see it now! A giant trampoline with a union jack on the canvas, and the Prime Minister and the King doing somersaults together under a banner that says Bounce for Britain.
I reckon that could work. Who doesn’t love a good bounce?
Kev probably doesn’t. It’d be bad on the knees.
There must be an equivalent of a wheelchair for trampolining. Some sort of chair on springs so he can bounce while sitting down.
Now that we live in 2025, surely theres an invention that is legs and those legs can replace your own legs but not metal legs, a different kind of legs that you can interchange with your legs so you don’t lose your legs forever and can stick them back on when you’re done with the different legs. Do they exist?
If there’s not we should start a business. Megalegs, we’ll call them.
Sounds like a nickname for a supermodel from the 90s. Let’s do it.