Puzzle cornerIt’s been a while since the Pouring Beans magazine ran a puzzle page, so for all those of you sitting on a railway platform with a pencil and ten minutes to spare, here’s this week’s fun games.
All you have to do is identify the common Beans catchphrases from the symbols.
Answers on a postcard to the usual address. The winner will be randomly selected and will win a specially branded box of Pouring Beans “After Eight” minty beans. Good luck!
Clompotition time (last one)You’ll all be thrilled to know that this is the last one I have before we can retire this charade masquerading as a proper post. We all have stuff we like to whip out (waaaaaay!) as a cheap post from time to time to fill the quota and tick the boxes. I still have plenty of guff to fill your screens, and your time with, so divant fret, pet, if you’re worried about the lack of meaningful content.
Surely in our roles as gods of the Internet, for existing so long in this digital hellscape, we practically invented meaningful content (or whatever passes for it these days).
Anyway, enough preaching. Guess the expiry date of this bottle of ketchup.
Here’s a little hint too; it’s nowhere near as old as any of the other entries.
Clompetition time (again again)We’re back again to bother you with the possibility of having that briefest glimpse of hope of winning. Winning something? No, no, merely winning. You can’t put a price on that.
Today’s sponsor is Bluebocado, the fruit that never gives up. If you want the taste of blueberries with the hearty goodness of avocados then you need to get some Bluebocado in your life.
What sell by date did this attractive jar of marmalade have?
The jelly baby quiz: answersApparently when I set the jelly baby quiz way back in, I don’t know, the late 1990s, I promised that as well as prizes there would be answers. Well, the prize (singular) has now been distributed, so all that remains is to dig in to the answers to see how Kev came to be the winner.
Strap in for some detailed admin as we rake through all the questions, and everyone’s answers, one by one and in forensic detail.
Jelly is produced using gelatine, which is made from collagen using animal bones.
Kneecaps. Babies are born with cartiledge where their kneecaps will eventually form.
The UK jelly market has a standard colour scheme that applies to most brands. Green is either lime or lemon and lime. Either of those flavours will be accepted.
The Office for National Statistics recorded 591,072 births in England and Wales for 2023; the Scottish Government recorded 45,935; the Northern Ireland Registrar General recorded 19,962. This makes a total of 656,969. I don’t know what “to the nearest 400” even means so I will rank answers by how close they are to the right number.
Smidge was the closest and scores 3 points. Kev was second closest and scores 2. Ian was furthest away and scores 1.
I eat the head first, so the jelly baby won’t suffer during the rest of the eating process. However, I will accept any reasonable answer. Reasonableness is at the quizmaster’s discretion.
Having reached the end of the questions we can now look at the scoreboard.
So, well done to Kev, who has probably finished his jelly babies by now, and commiserations to Ian, who appears to have somehow lost out to the eternally confused Smidge Manly. Better luck next time.
You’re so sweetGood news! The results of The jelly baby quiz are finally in.
As a reminder, all you had to do was answer five questions about jelly and babies, and let me know your preferred type of jelly baby so your prize could be tailored to you.
I’m delighted to announce that Kev is the winner, scoring well on all five questions, and a 400g pack of Maynard’s jelly babies are on their way to him.
Those of you who paid close attention will have noticed that the questions were quite vague and scoring them is at least partly a matter of opinion. This was supposed to enable me to declare everyone a winner and use the quiz as an excuse to send out jelly babies in all directions, spreading joy and chewy sweets to the whole Beans massive. However, despite Ian complaining about the quiz and then being reminded that he hadn’t let me know what kind of jelly babies he likes, five months on we are still none the wiser. As a result Kev has been declared the only winner and Ian’s lack of juvenile gelatinous snacks are his own fault.
Some people might say that this is petty, and that I could have just sent Ian any pack of jelly babies, but I would draw those people’s attention to the extensive terms and conditions that our team of crack lawyers have attached to competitions and lotteries run through the Pouring Beans website.
Anyway, let’s not let this minor administrative drama get in the way of celebrating Kev’s victory. Congratulations Kev – please enjoy biting the heads off first from all 400g of jelly babies.
Wait. That sounded sinister. Let’s just leave it at “congratulations”.
Clompotition time (again)We’re back and this time we’re trying to decode the mysteries of some raisin brunch bars, like a right couple of lads. Yeah.
What’s the expiration month and year?
David, it’s over to you.
Clompotition timeGather round, gather round everyone. It’s time for a fun competition that we can all take part in. Grab your friends, grab your relatives, even grab your doggo! Come one and all to start the new year the right way.
The right way being… over two weeks after it’s already started. Yes, I’m finally awake again and can form sentences that moderately make sense some of the time (and that’s all you can hope for when you’re me).
When I was at me mum’s house over Christmas, she had started the usual clear out of cupboards and tidying but sadly more pressing matters got in the way. She has a habit of forgetting about and then not using things before their sell-by date. These then get pushed near the back of the cupboard and are usually removed around December. Occasionally things get pushed to the very VERY back and are lost to time and space. How big are these cupboards? Not very, although you’d think they were the size of the Alhambra Theatre in Bradford when we move to the next part.
I fished out a couple of food items that were well past their best. Using state-of-the-art technology, I have removed the date and it’s up to YOU to guess when it expired. You get one point for the month and one point for the year. If you get both right you’ll receive a bonus point meaning there are three points up for grab each time. There are four games to play over the next four months and with minimal participation (for some of us, wink wink) you could win a superb prize (to be chosen at a later date, and not an imaginary prize like those jelly babies Christopher was jabbering about some months back).
First up – Mint and dark chocolate fondant thins from Sainsburgers. Choose your month and year, gentlemen.
The jelly baby quizWould you like to win a massive prize? Of course you would.
And would you still like to win that massive prize if it was actually not very massive and was just a fairly large pack of jelly babies? Well, yes, obviously; if anything that would be even better. Everyone likes jelly babies. You are now, understandably, physically clawing at the screen in an attempt to take part. Don’t worry. I will explain how it works.
The prize is a fairly large pack of jelly babies. The winner gets not just the jelly babies but also the opportunity to specify the brand. Are you a Bassetts fan or a Haribo acolyte? All tastes are catered for here. To win it, you just need to achieve the highest score in the jelly baby quiz, which is a quiz about jelly and babies.
Good luck! It’s time for the questions.
Get your answers in now. One of you lucky entrants will win this not-very-massive massive prize.
Good luck again! And now, in addition, good bye.