Category: Inventions

Avatar Uppy – The Aerodynamic Dog

Hey YOU! Yes, YOU! Look at all that money just hiding in your wallet and / or purse. It’s wasting away there. What you’re looking for is a unique investment opportunity and that’s exactly what we’ve got for YOU right here on the Beans Shopping Network.

Dogs eh? Wonderful animals. Darling little creatures but gosh darn it don’t they get under your feet and in your way so much. How many times have you accidentally stood on a dachsund’s paw? How many times have you kneed a bulldog in the face because you didn’t know it was there? What you need then is Uppy the Aerodynamic Dog.

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Uppy is quintessentially the most amazing product you will see for the rest of the year. Our top scientists have engineered a series of dogs that have the ability to float in the air. This allows them to occupy the space you don’t need and will never occupy, making scenes involving your foot and their body a thing of the past.

There are so many benefits for both you and your Uppy dog. No longer will you trip over them whilst making spaghetti bolognaise; gently push Uppy out of the way and he will float away unharmed. No more will they tear your sofa and shoes to pieces; Uppy dogs have no concerns for matters on the floor, they’ve got things to do in the air. Do your kids have an irrational fear of birds? Not anymore they don’t, not once Uppy unleashes some chunky justice on their sorry feathery asses.

Each Uppy will come with their own stylish set of treats, beats and designer meats. Everything you need to get Uppy up and running will be included in the pack.

What are you waiting for? Invest now and receive a free Uppy napkin and empty milk bottle set.

Next Christmas every child will want an Uppy. Get in while you can. Guaranteed returns of some pounds.

Next on the Beans Shopping Network, a lovely way to illuminate cows…

Avatar Great idea

A little while ago I went to a place called Southend, which is like a town, but it’s next to the sea, so it’s a kind of sea-town. It’s not actually in the sea, but it’s, like, right next to it.

Anyway, they have a thing called a “pier” which is like a long thin extension of the ground that lets you see what it’s like to walk on the sea without getting wet. I used the “pier” to walk a long way out on the sea and look at what Southend looks like from the middle of the sea. Normally that view would be difficult to look at because I’d be swimming and the water would get in my eyes.

If you stand in the middle of the sea and look at Southend it looks like this:

Southend from the pier

 

I started wondering whether this novel “pier” concept could be used in other situations too. Here are some of my “pier ideas”.

  1. Mountain pier. A pier extending outwards from the peak of a mountain, so you can see what it’s like to walk flat from the top of the mountain instead of going down. You could then look at what the mountain looks like from up in the air next to the mountain.
  2. Space pier. A pier that goes upwards instead of outwards, maybe not from Southend, so you can walk into space and look at earth from outside the atmosphere.
  3. Desert pier. A pier that goes over the desert because the desert is very hot so if you could walk on a pier instead you wouldn’t burn your feet on the hot sand and also it would be a bit higher up so there might be a nice breeze.
  4. Underwater pier. Like a pier on the sea, but under the sea, so people who want to walk in the sea instead of on top of it can have a nice flat surface to walk on.