Avatar Fundraising

Man has been raising money since the dawn of time.

It all started with Jesus being bet that he couldn’t be killed, buried AND come back to life. He took that bet and started going round the local villages asking for sponsor money, rattling down dem neighbours with his charm and natural-born charisma. Three days later, with a pocket full of sponsorship money, he walked away and donated it all to the burly orphans of the holy mother and disappeared. What a guy (I believe that’s how it went down, I don’t really remember much from R.E. at school).

Since then everyone has wanted a piece of the action. There are so many many MANY good causes out there. If you can think of something or someone having a hard time then there will be a charity in its name, winking in your general direction and hoping you will slip something in their back pocket. With this in mind, how could you ever choose which to help, which to slide the burden onto your manly shoulders? My personal advice would be to spin a wheel or flip a coin.

For the whole month of April I am walking for women.

*comedy voice* why can’t women walk for themselves?

Well, comedy voice, the fact is they can but I am also walking for them, with them. I’m stepping into their shoes and loaning my legs to do a good thing. It’s not all altruistic though because I get fresh air and exercise in return for my walking. It’s all for selfish reasons. All I was hoping for was a bunch of people staring at me whilst I walked and it is paying off big time. I wouldn’t do it unless I got something out of it. Call me a sociopath all you like but that’s how I roll and you’ll all have to deal with it. Oh, how I am such a good at the walking too. You’ve not seen walking until you’ve witnessed my awe-inspiring thighs crossing your path.

So stop your grinning and drop your linen, give me / they / them money now by using the link and being a good guy. I feel almost as inspirational as the time we did that exercise and I ate biscuits in ‘Nish 3’.


10 comments on “Fundraising

  • I will pay money, in either sponsorship or just as a bribe, in return for not having to see your “awe-inspiring thighs”.

  • Eww. No. You’ve literally ruined sunrises for me. Take my money and never darken my door with your hairy leg parts.

  • That was a painful listen. But not as painful as if it’d been Every Time You Win, I Get Bigger Arse Cheeks.

    I would NOT be tuning in.

  • I was just following what you said. I referenced your lower (or “basement”) cheeks. You then likened them to Every Time You Win, I Get A Bigger Face. The inference was clear.

    In light of that, I will turn the question around and ask it to you. Why exactly would your bum get bigger when you answer questions correctly? Mine doesn’t do that. It’s interesting that yours apparently does. And it definitely does, I’ve decided now.

  • From now on I’m referring to my sorry ass as my basement cheeks. It’s the new thing.

    I’m also glad you’ve decided that so I will keep getting things wrong for fear of inflating my basement cheeks to yet unheard of sizes.

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