Following a six year investigation, scientists at the University of Massachusetts have published an intricate 86 page document revealing all manner of unusual facts and revelations about how modern sticky tape couples behave in the 21st century.
It seem as though the attitudes that were prevalent in the previous century have been forgone for a more dedicated and committed approach. Young couples that were once so loose and uninterested in establishing a long-lasting relationship are now falling over themselves to get together, and once they do the changes of separating the two is practically impossible.
Middle-aged and older couples are also settling down for the future, hoping to wile away long hot summer evenings together over a jug of iced tea.
“When you look at our findings, ” said Chief scientist Barnaby Coleslaw, “There is such an overwhelming sense of enthusiasm for staying together in the sticky tape community. Even though human beings struggle with monogamy, there are rolls and rolls of tape who cannot help themselves; they find the right one and then they never let them go. It is very sweet, and I only wish we can follow their sensational example. When I get a chance to spend less time in the laboratory and more time in the real world, I will hold this study very close to my heart.”
The last study to be carried out on the subject in 1999, by three elephants pretending to be a Volvo, shows the complete opposite and shows just how much the world can change in a short space of time.
A parade celebrating the 65th year of sticky tape independence is due to take place later on this year. Martine McCutcheon is rumoured to be attending.