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Where is your water meter?

In this post, likely to be the first of many where I talk about things to do with my new house, because that’s what my life is like these days, we’re going on a journey of discovery to find the water meter.

The electricity meter is easy. That has a special meter hutch in the hallway, so you can see it as soon as you walk in the door.

The gas meter is also not too difficult. Look under the stairs, where the boiler lives, and there’s the gas meter, sheltering underneath it. Excellent.

The water meter? Last time I had to find one it lived on the outside of the building, mounted quite low on the wall. Must be around here somewhere. The water company tell me it’s electronic so it can be read by a water meter detecting robot passing within fifty metres or some such futuristic nonsense.

One place it definitely can’t be is underground, because I’ve checked all the manhole covers and other gratings and none of them are either watery or metery. One is a big inspection hatch for the drains. Another is a smaller inspection chamber where a drain turns a corner. Some are gratings into the drains. And the other is labelled SEW, presumably short for SEWER, and I’m damned if I’m going in there. It sounds gross. So that stuff is all drains.

Lucky for me, after making further inquiries it turns out SEW doesn’t stand for sewer, even though that is completely logical. No, SEW stands for South East Water. Underneath the SEW manhole cover is a foam block covered in mud, and under the foam block is four inches of freezing cold stagnant water, and under the four inches of freezing cold stagnant water is my electronic bluetooth enabled water meter.

Let’s hope it’s waterproof.

4 comments on “Water faff

  • Should we be worried about the water meter detecting robot? Does it only have one function, like the tiny robot that passes the butter in ‘Rick and Morty’, or will it eventually destroy the entirety of the human race?

  • It’s hard to say. I’m tempted to build my own water meter detecting robot detecting robot, to detect the water meter detecting robot robotically. That way I get to beat them at their own weird game.

  • I have literally LITERALLY, no idea where my water meter is. All I know is the robot can find and read it, and send me bills so I must have one somewhere.

  • *smug* guys, guys guys guys, come on now? I’ve known where my water meter is since I moved in. We sit and chat, sometimes split a grey poupon between the two of us. I’m going to be his best man when he gets married next year.

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