Avatar Easter Done Right

Easter is on the horizon and you are going to get smothered in talk of chocolate, eggs, bunnies and all sorts of plastic paraphernalia whether you like it or not. As businessman with a fifteen year old son, he no longer wishes to chase the imaginary rabbit in the hope of procuring an immeasurable pile of confectionery; all he cares about is cold, hard cash. There are, however, others who will have to fall in line. When I say fall in line I mean buy as many trinkets as possible for your children and possibly also your significant other. I know what you’re thinking though, there is something missing and you can’t quite put your finger on it.

What you need is something to seal that deal in that wigwam, you know the one I’m referring to. How do you keep the family appeased in this most confusing of times? You need Kevindo Menendez’s Bonny Egg Baskets.

‘Bonny Baskets

Hand-crafted from the most sensuous part of the pig, the eyelids, Kevindo Menendez’s Bonny Egg Baskets are what are missing from your extended Easter weekend; a dozen mouth-watering spheres of sweaty, meaty goodness generously licked with the mystery of our seventeen individual spices, and covered in chocolate. Guaranteed to lighten and brighten up the most nauseating of weekends, you can prepare them any way you like.

‘Bonny Baskets’

With one or two of these in their mouth, your children won’t be tempted to throw a tantrum and destroy your sense of peace and tranquility. He or she won’t believe the taste sensation going down his or her throat. It is the perfect accompaniment to whatever bobbins you plan to screen on the TV in the hopes of keeping them subdued.

‘Bonny Baskets’

You will be the king or queen of the Easter parade with these under your belt, or in your hand. Your kids will lose their shizz ten times over once they get a taste of the good life. Crack off a couple of these and you won’t need to break the bank, and their teeth, by ordering a lorry-load of inferior eggs to your doorstep. Do us all a favour and purchase Kevindo Menendez’s Bonny Egg Baskets.

‘Bonny Baskets’ ‘Bonny Baskets’ ‘Bonny Baskets’ ‘Bonny Baskets’

Fill up your trolleys and your stomachs. It’s got the Kevindo Menendez guarantee! Available in both the freezer and seasonal aisles at all good local supermarkets.

15 comments on “Easter Done Right

  • Can I be very clear that none of this nonsense has the Kevindo Menendez guarantee.

    You will be hearing from our legal team.

  • Listen here, sunshine. I used to be a child myself, so I know pretty well what it is that children want. They don’t want sweaty spicy meat covered in chocolate.

  • Are you sure about that? People’s tastes change all the time.

    It’s not all whistle pops and candy whistles like it was back in our day. Kids have sophisticated taste buds.

  • I am sure, yes. I’m absolutely certain that I used to be a child. And I loved all those whistle-based treats.

  • Are you sure though? I never met you as a child and there is currently no pictorial evidence to suggest that you ever were one.

    Without evidence I’m afraid your testimony cannot be placed on record.

  • That’s fine, I don’t need it placed on record. Thank you, though, and – this really goes without saying – you’re welcome.

  • It’s less than a fortnight until Easter. What with the Bovona Virus we’re a little under-staffed so if you want Bonny Baskets in time you’ll need to order them NOW or later on today NOW.

  • I’ve got some really good news for you, which is that I don’t want or need any Bonny Baskets. They sound repellent.

  • Time is running out, lads. We’ve almost sold out and I know that you’ll want to secure some for your children and loved ones. I’ve put some to one side but I will need your big, phat cash in advance.

  • I have neither children nor loved ones, and if I have any say in the matter at all, I will also have no bonny baskets.

    I suggest you take the ones you put to one side and, instead of putting them to one side, you put them in the bin.

  • Now that Easter has passed we’re having a BIG sale for all of you who missed out and couldn’t secure their order before the weekend. Go to our website now for THRILLING SAVINGS.

  • I’m going to save myself a fortune by not buying any.

    You may notice a pattern to my behaviour where bonny baskets are concerned. That is deliberate.

  • Well this is unprecedented. I had all these put to one side for you and now they’re going to go to waste. I don’t know what to say. When did you change your mind?

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