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Is this one of your new noses? You said you’d be getting some new ones.
Nay, no to the noses. I’m the eye man.
This is a celebration of how schnozzy or schnozerrific one of Reuben’s dog’s noses is. Look at it. Marvellous!
Can I just point out that said nose is only actually (even then partially) in one of those pictures.
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A detailed analysis of this montage reveals it contains:
– 3 whole eyes
– 2 half eyes
– 3 whiskery chops
– 2 ears
– 1.5 schnozzes
You know what I like? Schnozzes and whiskery chops. His schnozz moves so fast that it’s hard to get it in the photo sometimes.
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I dislike pretty much everything about dogs, so this post is very much a C- for me.
What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you like the doggos?
Did they steal your woman?
I can give you a (non-exhaustive) list if you like:
– They lick their own arses, then try to lick you.
– The jump up at you with filthy paws.
– They can’t be trusted to look after themselves for more than 10 minutes.
– They smell of damp.
– Their food smells of shite.
– They’re stupid.
– You have to walk them.
– They are about 2% as intelligent as dog owners make out they are.
– They bark.
– They hide bits of pig ears under your sofa.
– They will suddenly decide to murder you if bored.
I also hate the word doggos.
I think the worst thing about dogs is the smell of dogs and the way the smell of dog attaches itself to everything the dog comes into contact with.
However, concerns about arse licking, shite-smelling food, stupidity and unprovoked violence can equally be levelled at cats.
You’ve changed your tune, sunshine. It was only last week that you were talking about a full-on back tattoo of the phrase ‘doggos for life’, Kev.
I think he was in favour of doggos for life, but not his life. He was in favour for the duration of someone else’s life. The other person was called Mucky Ron and he lived in Cleckheaton, and he’s dead now, so Kev hates dogs again.
I saw him planning out some motivational posters too, doggos with noggos wearing bow toggos.
That reminds me of a joke.
– My doggo’s got no noggo.
– How does he smoggo?
Apparently my last comment was too good to publish.
Ahem. I said that I had laughed at this on two separate occasions and then several other occasions away from the website. It’s so bad I wish I had some up with it myself.
Clearly Beans HQ doesn’t want me to praise your efforts, Chris.
I’m proud that my joke has both made you laugh and broken the website.
It’s what we need right now 😀 game-changing, website-breaking humour of the highest… of the middlest… of a certain order.
Thanks mate. #matesquared
That joke definitely has staying power. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I thought of it again the other day while I was having a wee.
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