Avatar Ghostman Pat

Following on from the success of the BBC New Sitcom of the Year 2016 Awards, in which none of the entries won and the BBC decided just to plough a serious amount of bread into yet another series of ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’, I have been commissioned to come up with some new ideas for that difficult 11-15 age gap that bridges the vast chasm between tiny children in uniforms to unkempt teenagers who can’t get into 18 certificate films at the cinema.

What kind of programming would these sweaty, nautical organisms like to watch on an evening? What would really get their bantwagons pushed up to the high twenties? We need something that is right on the fashions and I believe I have a good starting point. A (bad pun alert) spiritual successor to hugely-loved eighties children’s television programme monster ‘Postman Pat’.

Ghostman Pat

Pat has grown to become not only the nicest person in the history of Greendale but also the most respected due to his dedication to his job and in helping the other residents in their daily lives. He has an idyllic life with his wife and child, and not forgetting dutiful companion Jess the Cat.

Except one traffic accident later leaves Pat dead. Shuffled off this mortal coil.

The village engages in a month-long saga of grieving. His wife Sarah, inconsolable, is unable to move on with her life. One evening however, not long after the tragic accident, she is ironing some tea towels when she is visited by an apparition. The apparition of her recently deceased husband. It seems as though Pat is not quite done yet.

Fate has decided that his years of service are not enough. In punishment for the, quite frankly, dreadful Lionsgate film released a couple of years ago Pat must now deliver a total of 1000 parcels before he is able to leave and ascend to heaven, in a story that borrows heavily from Hiroaki Samura’s seminal samurai manga work ‘Blade of the Immortal’.

But how can Pat deliver any parcels when he has no physical presence and only his wife and son, Julian, can see him? It is up to them to help him finish his task and finally leave this world behind.

Along the way they must deal with fruit-polishing vampires, blancmange-toting merengue infidels and, of course, numerous cameos by everyone’s favourite all-round entertainer Gary Wilmot.

Can they succeed? Seven seasons and a TV movie, I think, should answer that question.

13 comments on “Ghostman Pat

  • This sounds right on the fashions, as long as Stephen Mangan isn’t involved.

    Will it be keeping the animation or moving to live action?

  • I’m delighted that Gary Wilmot is involved, and will be watching closely to see if I can figure out who the hell he is. I still have no idea.

  • No involvement from Mangan. He has been kept away using the Mangan-free fencing and Mangan-proof barge pole.

    Once you see the program you’ll know EXACTLY whom Gary Wilmot is. It’ll all come flooding back to you.

  • I think it would need to come flooding to me for the first time, as I’ve never had any idea who he is. But then I doubt I will. You’ve made me a lot of Wilmot promises and he’s still a mystery to me.

  • I really can’t understand what the problem is. The man was practically paramount in the world of 80’s Showbiz. He can sing, he can dance, he can present… What more do you want?

  • I think that says more about your neglected upbringing than it does about the star power of Gary Wilmot.

    I think you should have some choice words with Big Frank and as soon as possible.

  • I’ve had some choice words with Big Frank. I chose the words “gnome”, “rotund” and “leprosy”. He didn’t seem to have much to offer in reply.


    Insolence? Insuelance? Ninsolnance.

  • You’re right. He needs to stop giving me insulin or there’ll be harsh words!

    (… what?)

  • I’d go as far as to say that Big Frank’s unwanted insulin injections more or less singlehandedly caused your diabetes.


  • If this was a real thing, I’d be livid by now. Livid. So livid.

    But it’s not so I can’t.

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