Crush Songs: Hello Ian.
Ian: Hello Crush Songs by Karen O. I’ve wanted to listen to you for a while; sorry it’s taken me so long.
Crush Songs: Oh think nothing of it. Now, are you ready?
Ian: I am, yes.
Crush Songs: Are you ready for fourteen songs that all sound the same with the same wibbly wobbly vocals that have been fed through a cereal box and sound as though they were written in five minutes?
Ian: Erm no, I was hoping for a bit of variety.
Crush Songs: Oh.
Ian: Is there something the matter?
Crush Songs: Nothing! Nothing! No it doesn’t matter.
Ian: What is it you’re hiding there?
Crush Songs: Well it’s nothing really…
Ian: So you are fourteen songs that all sound the same with the same wibby wobbly vocals that have been fed through a cereal box and sound as though they were written in five minutes.
Crush Songs: In short, yes.
Ian: I feel as though I should be brutally honest here. That’s very disappointing.
Crush Songs: Would it help if I told you I’m only 25 minutes long?
Ian: No it wouldn’t.
Crush Songs: Would it help if I told you there was a Doors cover on me?
Ian: That just makes it worse.
Crush Songs: Actually ACTUALLY I’ve got fifteen songs on me. The last one is hidden right at the very end like a lyrical treat…
Crush Songs: … actually that might still be the last song with a bit of a gap in the middle…
Ian: Look I can see we’re not really getting anywhere here. You’ve not really thought this through. I think you should go back and have a big long ponder about what to do.
Crush Songs: If you insist, okay. I’ll come back shortly with some much better ideas. You watch; I will blow your mind!
Ian: I’m sure you will. I’m just going to put you in this pile with that Good Charlotte CD I found in the street and those duplicate DVDs I don’t need anymore.
Crush Songs: Is it a special pile?
Ian: … sure it is!
Ian vs Crush Songs
23 comments on “Ian vs Crush Songs”
Do you often have conversations with CD’s?
You will be shocked and amazed to know that yes I do. This is the first in a very long series planned over the coming decade. Next up, I get a little hot and heavy with Taylor Swift’s ‘1989’.
I’m sorry mate, but I don’t think Taylor Swift’s 1989 would look twice at the likes of you.
I feel like I myself have been put on the special pile. There’s lots of special people here.
PS: I definitely feel how my penguin looks today.
You feel like a tiny gif? How does that feel? Is it very pixel-esque?
I think 1989 would have a very verbose and vested interest in me.
Large…round…puffy…pixely….you get the drift.
Could you perhaps put your feelings into a haiku?
Yes of course I can
Though it might not make much sense
Waddle off penguin.
Why did you want El
Ena to put her feelings
Into a haiku?
Perhaps it’s just how
He likes to communicate
Who are we to judge?
More. MORE! I must have more!
You can only have more
If you too participate
And get haikuing
Chris you’re mistaken
If you thought that a haiku
You clearly can’t count
I think you will find
That the word “can” was silent
So it was OK
I’ll let you off then
But only just this once, mind
But I don’t agree.
Give me more for my
Brain to process, like lanterns
Floaty and flamey
Why Chinese lanterns?
They are not like haikus are
Wordy and rhythmic
Words can burn like flames
They light, they incinerate
They also fly like bees
That wasn’t a hai
ku because the last line had
six syllables. Ha.
(Who died and made you king of the haiku, jeez).
(Burt Reynolds. It was in his will.)
(Oh well that’s okay then. You should have earlier).
(Just so you know, he also promised the same thing to Kev).