Avatar Ian vs Crush Songs

Ian: Hello?
Crush Songs: Hello Ian.
Ian: Hello Crush Songs by Karen O. I’ve wanted to listen to you for a while; sorry it’s taken me so long.
Crush Songs: Oh think nothing of it. Now, are you ready?
Ian: I am, yes.
Crush Songs: Are you ready for fourteen songs that all sound the same with the same wibbly wobbly vocals that have been fed through a cereal box and sound as though they were written in five minutes?
Ian: Erm no, I was hoping for a bit of variety.
Crush Songs: Oh.
Ian: Is there something the matter?
Crush Songs: Nothing! Nothing! No it doesn’t matter.
Ian: What is it you’re hiding there?
Crush Songs: Well it’s nothing really…
Ian: So you are fourteen songs that all sound the same with the same wibby wobbly vocals that have been fed through a cereal box and sound as though they were written in five minutes.
Crush Songs: In short, yes.
Ian: I feel as though I should be brutally honest here. That’s very disappointing.
Crush Songs: Would it help if I told you I’m only 25 minutes long?
Ian: No it wouldn’t.
Crush Songs: Would it help if I told you there was a Doors cover on me?
Ian: That just makes it worse.
Crush Songs: Actually ACTUALLY I’ve got fifteen songs on me. The last one is hidden right at the very end like a lyrical treat…
Ian: Right.
Crush Songs: … actually that might still be the last song with a bit of a gap in the middle…
Ian: Look I can see we’re not really getting anywhere here. You’ve not really thought this through. I think you should go back and have a big long ponder about what to do.
Crush Songs: If you insist, okay. I’ll come back shortly with some much better ideas. You watch; I will blow your mind!
Ian: I’m sure you will. I’m just going to put you in this pile with that Good Charlotte CD I found in the street and those duplicate DVDs I don’t need anymore.
Crush Songs: Is it a special pile?
Ian: … sure it is!

23 comments on “Ian vs Crush Songs

  • You will be shocked and amazed to know that yes I do. This is the first in a very long series planned over the coming decade. Next up, I get a little hot and heavy with Taylor Swift’s ‘1989’.

  • I’m sorry mate, but I don’t think Taylor Swift’s 1989 would look twice at the likes of you.

    #badnewsmate

  • I feel like I myself have been put on the special pile. There’s lots of special people here.

  • You feel like a tiny gif? How does that feel? Is it very pixel-esque?

    I think 1989 would have a very verbose and vested interest in me.

  • Could you perhaps put your feelings into a haiku?

  • Yes of course I can
    Though it might not make much sense
    Waddle off penguin.

  • Perhaps it’s just how
    He likes to communicate
    Who are we to judge?

  • Chris you’re mistaken
    If you thought that a haiku
    You clearly can’t count

  • I’ll let you off then
    But only just this once, mind
    But I don’t agree.

  • Give me more for my
    Brain to process, like lanterns
    Floaty and flamey

  • Words can burn like flames
    They light, they incinerate
    They also fly like bees

  • (Who died and made you king of the haiku, jeez).

  • (Oh well that’s okay then. You should have earlier).

    (Just so you know, he also promised the same thing to Kev).

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